Inner Feelings of Mine

10-Dec-10

2010-12-11T00:21:00.001+08:00

Read about Alviss Kong's news. It's just so funny that he can just gave himself up like there's nothing to hold on anymore. Is life this fragile? Thinking of after you die you have nothing to worry about. Somewhat that's true. But have you ever think about your parents, friends and the others that loves you? Isn't it selfish that you left them behind with tears and make them suffer in loosing you? Not blaming now or anything. It's funny that you have the courage to jump down from 14th floor, but you don't have the courage to bring yourself up again.

Everybody have been through break up. For that very moment everybody might think they've lost their whole world; they'll never find their happiness anymore. The truth is, it's not. The whole world is always with you, it's just depend on how you see and feel about the world. You create your own happiness, and it doesn't just happen like that. I've been through this. It's just how amazing that I've got through all this and I'm actually proud of myself! Although I'm only halfway recover. Lol

The message that I want to pass to you guys is must appreciate your life and think of your love ones before you do anything stupid. Remember this, loving someone you have to set them free. =)

Still...

2010-12-02T10:09:00.001+08:00

L.O.V.E

H.I.M

S.T.I.L.L

<3

My Wishlist~~

2010-10-09T18:48:00.003+08:00

Okay okay... I know my blog is so dead and lack of updates.It's just because my life is boring. Plus I lazy wanna take photos and upload photos. So yeah, my blog is full with WORDS. Haha. I'm running out of things to blog, so it has to come to blog about my wishlist. =)

My Wishlist

Iphone 4(White)
Honda City
RM 10000 in my saving account
Having the ideal guy
Good grades for my studies
Get my ideal weight, 51kg
Have EVERYTHING that I want!

That's about it i guess. This is my wishlist for the moment la duh... Can't think of anything that I want right now. Till then.

P/s: just a short update.. =)

My point of view

2010-09-18T00:50:00.003+08:00

I H.A.T.E People who is Chinese Educated!!!

Not to say that I'm bad that I look down on Chinese education people, but please la. AT LEAST can speak and write proper English. I don expect people use fluent and flowery English. AT LEAST spell simple words properly. WTF! You can't even spell word and always properly. Zzz.. So out, man! And whats with the acting cute smiley face?! I as a gal don't even use those stupid smiley. Gross, man!!! Gotta change my phone number if can. Haha... =D

~The End~

2010-06-28T20:38:00.002+08:00

It's T.H.E. E.N.D!!

The end of what? My final exams la of course!!

Yay! Feeling damn happy right now after my finals, although I'm not so confident about passing all the subjects. LOL

What I'm gonna do next is just rotting myself at home for few weeks and maybe work after that? Feeling lazy to do anything at the moment.

Just wanna stay at home and relax. Other than that, chill out with my friends of course. It's been months that I haven't meet up with my high school friends tho. I miss them!

Till then...

Dreaming~~

2010-06-20T20:53:00.002+08:00

Last night I had the sweetest dream ever.

That's what I thought.
Whenever I dream of him, the dream would be I'm back with him again and treat me nicely.
As usual, last night, I dreamed that I'm back with him again.
The only thing different this time is the feel I had in the dream. Somehow in the dream, he did not treat me the way he used to treat me when we're together back then.
I just can't explain how I feel. The way he treat me in my dream makes me feel like things would change better if we're together again.
Maybe it's just me and the dream. I really can't explain how I feel.

He's just so so SOOooo SWEET in the dream...

I'm Back In Action!!

2010-06-19T23:54:00.002+08:00

I ' M B A C K ! !

It's been a long time I haven't update my blog. Life still goes on like this as usual. LOL

Nothing much about it. Finals on Monday. Although I've start my revision since 2 weeks ago, but I've got no confident on sitting for the exam.

I'm kinda hyper tonight, somehow.

Owh ya, as you can see. I've change the background. Just got to know that there's new background for blog.

Till then. I love you bloggie. Can always tell you stuff. =)

Wedding dress

2010-04-20T18:50:00.001+08:00

Dedicating this song to YOU.

S.H.I.T

2010-04-20T18:24:00.002+08:00

Didn't realize that today it's 20th.

FML Big Time!! ='(

Plus Receiving this kind of News on this date.

Fuck! It really meant A LOT to me.

='(

I'm dead... Again~~

2010-04-20T14:45:00.003+08:00

It's sooo DAMN funny that I'm actually wondering how many times my heart can die for the same guy and back alive again..

My heart was tearing apart this afternoon when I heard "about the news". Omg!! I can't even relief it out!! Cause there were friends with me and I'm outside a shopping mall. It's so so so soooooo hard for me to control myself not to cry it out loud. When I keep trying not to burst into tears I feel that my heart was aching plus wanna vomit. Then I ran into the toilet. Finally I burst into tears. It's the first time I cried in a shopping malls' toilet. WTF!!

That's not the end of story. When I was playing with Karen's Iphone. I accidentally read her message which a friend sent to her. The message was saying that Karen's friend saw HIM at Boulevard with two girls and one guy. I bet it's a double date tho. Sigh. Why do God wanna let me know more about it? I've been sad enough.

I actually feel like something is slaughtering me apart inside. My heart is been tearing apart and being throw into a rubbish dump. Plus I feel like hurting myself to relief all those pain. I even feeling kinda angry at myself for everything. I really feel like inside of me is dying. I might as well die soon.

Whatever it is. I hope that she's better than me (I know she is). Hope that she take care of you like nobody do. No matter what there's still somebody out there waiting and cares for you.

May God bless both of you.

Have No Guts!!

2010-04-19T19:51:00.005+08:00

When I'm half awake just now, I wish that something or somebody would take over my body and using my phone to text him. At least when the message had sent to him I would have an excuse saying that it wasn't me who send the message and it was somebody else taking over my body and messaged him. Another excuse would be I'm blur and I maybe sleep walking by messaging him in a blur condition.

Omg! I damn fucking NO guts!!

I'm afraid that I would receive a harsh replied message from you. Plus is like I'm messaging him for nothing. I'm afraid that he would think that I'm annoying. I've been promising myself to have the guts to text him since two weeks ago. I'M PATHETIC!!!!!

God, please bless me and give me the strength to overcome my cowardliness act.
*Amen*

Long time No See. =)

2010-03-22T21:42:00.002+08:00

Hey Bloggie!!

It's been a long time I did not update you..

Nothing's change except that the fact Jason Kiu a.k.a. Ang ge passed away. =(

I still really can't accept this bloody fact. *Sigh*

Despite of that, I still LOVE HIM. Like duh~~

Owh ya, I have a foster brother. Or should I say that I got two foster brothers.

One of them is Kevin Tan2 and another is Danny Chung.

Danny Chung not pass one, he only know how to talk crap when we're emo.

We include me and Trice. *Lol*

Nothing much that I wanna say actually.

I just wanna tell you that I still LOVE HIM.

Wondering when can I let go of him. =)

Again~

2010-02-16T01:15:00.003+08:00

And again... My heart is bleeding.

And again... My heart is aching.

And again... My tears drop because of you.

And again... My mind is full of your images.

And again... My love for you is coming back.

Again And Again...

I still love you!!

I want you back, but I know it's impossible.

So, I think I'll still be waiting.

FML

2010-02-06T19:54:00.003+08:00

I just feel like staying at home tonight and chilling at home with my other half...

But, it's sad that I don't have that other half to stay at home with me. =(

Reblog: Until You <3

2010-01-13T20:12:00.003+08:00

Until You

Baby, life was good...

But you just made it better...

 I love the way you stand by me through any kind of weather...

I don't wanna run away, just wanna make your day...

 When you feel the world is on your shoulders...
 
I don't wanna make it worse, just wanna make us work...

 Baby, tell me I will do whatever... 

It feels like nobody ever knew me until you knew me...

 It feels like nobody ever loved me until you loved me...

It feels like nobody ever touched me until you touched me...

Baby, nobody, nobody until you...

 Baby, it just took one hit of you...
 
Now I'm addicted...
 
You never know whats missing...
 
Till you get everything you needed...

I don't wanna run away, just wanna make your day...

 When you feel the world is on your shoulders...

 I don't wanna make it worse, just wanna make it work... 

Baby, tell me i will do whatever...

 It feels like nobody knew me until you knew me...  

It feels like nobody loved me until you loved me...

 It feels like nobody touched me until you touched me...
 
Baby, nobody, nobody until you...

See it was enough to know, if I ever let you go...

 I would be no one...
 
Cause I never thought I'd feel all the things you made me feel...

Wasn't looking for someone, oh, until you...   

It feels like nobody knew me until you knew me...

It feels like nobody loved me until you loved me...

It feels like nobody touched me until you touched me...

Baby, nobody, nobody...

 It feels like nobody knew me until you knew me...

 It feels like nobody loved me until you loved me...

 It feels like nobody touched me until you touched me...

Baby, nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody, until you...

Lol. I keep repeating this song and DAMN!! I still F-ing love it!! Not because of him for this time. Just feel a little stress and emo that's why listen to this song. It actually make me feel better. Till then UNTIL YOU.

I LOVE YOU. =)

All I need is you < 3

2010-01-09T17:04:00.003+08:00

Adrian, all I NEED is you and your love. Why won't you understand? :( Why won't you understand that how much I love you and need you?
I feel like I've been brought to heaven when I saw you last night at my birthday celebration. There's an urge that I wanna run to your side and hug u tightly, but I can't do that. I need to control myself.

Do you know that you mean so much to me? Not just a friend but everything! I know that I can't move on. I'm sad about it. Do you know that nobody can replace you in my heart? Can you please feel how I feel about you? Why am I so obsess with you? You're like a magnet to me. You keep attracting me towards you and I can't leave you.

Can you please tell me how you feel about me? Can you please share something about you to me like we used to? We used to be so close, but now we're far apart. I seriously love you. I rather stay single forever than finding someone I don't love this much.

How can I ever let go of you? I never love someone so deeply before. God, please help me. =(

Merry Christmas!!

2009-12-26T01:23:00.003+08:00

HoHoHo~!!

Merry Christmas Bloggie!

Although I'm kinda late to wish you.

Went to midnight mass on the 24th Dec, then went to eat super duper late supper near the cat statute at Padungan area.

What a sad Christmas.

My phone's screen totally blackout!! OMG!! I can't send my msg greetings to my friends which makes me kinda sad.

I feel like I'm so out dated and so not happening. =(

Owh well, at least Drey is kind enough to lend me her phone.

About this year's Christmas I'm kinda disappointed and sad actually.

Maybe it's because I did not celebrate with the person I love. He did not go to Drey's house even. =(

The best Christmas I ever had was last year. I love last year Christmas.

Actually I don't really know that whether I still love him or not. But if I don't how come I feel like spending every important occasion with him??

How pathetic I am...

I know he doesn't deserves me unless I've change to a better girl. I'm such a pain and I treat guys badly. He deserves someone better.

Anyway, not gonna be emo right now.

And it's time for bed. Night nights~~!!

I love you bloggie, you're the best friend of mine. =)

Emo-ness Strike!!

2009-12-12T13:30:00.003+08:00

Can I cry??

It's sad that a person can't be with the person they love.

I so emo right now.

Almost cried when I heard the story.

How I miss those days.

Rearrange my folders in comp last night, and I saw my last time photos with him.

It's sad that we only took a few pictures when we're together.

And why do I still can't let go??

So stupidly I can't let go of him.

Fuck myself Kao Kao.

I'm gonna take this as a challenge and a game man!!

I don't care whatever people think.

I'm gonna do whatever I want!!

I'm gonna win this game once and for all!! =)

I miss you... =(

2009-12-12T00:49:00.002+08:00

Owh please tell me why...

Why do I miss him so damn much??

I so desperately wanna see him...

It's been two days I haven't seen him...

I want him!!!

I want ADRIAN FONG YEAN YUNG!!!!!

*sigh*

I can confirm it's only for a while for this feeling to be with me...

I miss you, ADRIAN FONG!!!!

Stupid Johnny. Sure feel so swt right now...

So what??

I still love ADRIAN FONG YEAN YUNG!!!!!

hehe

Joyful time!!!!

2009-11-28T17:12:00.003+08:00

Just finish my final exam this morning!! I'm so happy about it!! I can stop studying for like few months!! haha..

Not gonna think about the results first. Making people worried about it only. So, I'm gonna relax first.

There are so many things I wanna do within this holiday man!! Was thinking of loosing weight and working within in this holiday. But I don't think I can do it though.

I don't have the motivation to do it!! I kept saying that I wanna loose weight but I just can't cause of no motivation. For the last time, gonna do it or die for it!!

I'm so damn freaking happy that I'm finally free from studies for almost 3 months. Gonna go KL on January. I hope that I do pass all my test. I don't think I'm gonna go KL if I do fail any of it. *fingers cross*

What about today...
Finish my last paper this morning which is Law. Actually Law it's kinda interesting though. I find it that it's the easiest paper among all the subject?? LOL. I don't know why I have this kind of thought, but I really do think so. =)

After that went to Cory's house for a while before going out for lunch with Johnny, Trice and Cory. Not really satisfy with my lunch. It says mince meat vinegar noodle(i think that's the name), but it came out it's not sour enough and there doesn't really have the vinegar smell and taste.

Went back home after lunch then have a short nap. Only manage to sleep for 2 hours last night. So, having a short nap before attend Daphne's wedding dinner. Ya know what?? We're late!! Soooooooo don't like to be late. But what to do? I thought I can make it on time.

Went to Starbucks after the dinner. Dinner kinda sucks though. Not much of food is being served. Don't expect any photos from me. I don't take pictures and upload in blog. =)

It's late already. I better go get some sleep. Till then folks... Nite nitess... =)

Exam!!!

2009-11-22T20:50:00.002+08:00

This will be a short one I guess... =)

I seriously don't like having exams...
Whenever exams comes especially final exams I'll think of him...
You feeling very "swt" right?
I feel the same way too...
Why is he got to do with final exams right?
It's cause before we got together we were like very close, messaging each other 24/7 then when final exam I'm like stressing there's him beside me messaging me and keep me accompany and I do feel less stress...
When I woke up in the middle of the night to study there is always him accompany me...
He do wake me up or I would wake him up to study and messaging each other...
Owh... I do miss those moment...
Now whenever exam comes I do think of him...
Now... There is nobody who would do this...
How I miss it...
Ok... Chaozz... =)

Have you ever??

2009-11-06T17:56:00.002+08:00

Have you ever feel lonely?

Have you ever feel like dying?

Have you ever feel nobody cares for you?

Have you ever feel stupid in some way?

Have you ever feel like you shouldn't live in this world?

Have you ever feel like there is nobody belongs to you?

Have you ever feel like nobody really loves you?

Have you ever feel like you're living in this world alone?

Have you ever feel like nobody really understands you?

Have you ever feel so empty before?

Have you ever feel that you got nobody to talk to when you're down?

Have you ever feel like you don't have a true friend?

Have you ever feel that you're good for nothing?

Have you ever feel like there is this random people come in to your life to snatch your precious stuff away from you?

Have you ever feel that people are just using you?

Have you ever lost your lover and a best friend at the same time?

Have you ever suffer like me before?

Have you ever feel how I feel?

I'm dying day by day...

How would I live without you?

You are killing me slowly by leaving me...

*HeartBroken*

20th of October!!!!!!!!

2009-10-20T18:13:00.002+08:00

Eeek!!!!! It's 20th of October!!!!!

Haha... Actually nothing much about it...

Just realize that it's 20th today when I look at the calender...

Okay... That's all...

Bye...

p/s: Johnny Kueh... Don't kek tiok... =)

CRAP!!!!!

2009-10-10T00:35:00.003+08:00

It's just crap!!!
All of it are just shitty CRAP!!!
Feelings are just so shitty and crappy for me!!!
I don't even know why I do get so emotional sometimes!!!
Why do I get suffer this way??!!
Why do I get this kind of trouble out of myself??!!
I'm such a stupid gal!!!
I need a breakaway!!!
I'm very sure that how the game goes okay!!!
But I just can't help myself!!!
It's all because of you!!!
I'm just angry at myself though!!!
Sometimes I just don't even know how I feel actually...
Why do I have to have these complicated feelings??!!
I know that I won't go back with him!!!
We just won't go back together!!!
How come things turn out to be like this??!!
No matter how rational I am, I always lose to my feelings and emotions!!!
They always concur me!!!
I HATE IT!!!!
So what I got a great laugh just now??!!
When you really don't feel happy you just WONT feel happy!!!
NO MATTER WHAT!!!
I don't understand why I act like this??!!
I love him??
No??
I don't love him??
Then why do I act like this??!!
I so stupid right??
And I know that I miss him!!
Really really miss him!!
I so sad now!!!

Adrian...
Once again...
I guess I lose again...
I never can know wad are you thinking...
I just miss you...

Johnny!!!
I know you would be reading this...
But shhhhh!!!
You and me know only kay??!!
You so good...
I love u... =)

confusing+suffering

2009-09-30T20:11:00.005+08:00

Can I ever stop crying because of you?

I'm tired of lies already. Why can't you tell me the truth rather than lying to me and giving me false hope? Why do you have to torture me like this? Leaving me all these false hopes and lies.

Why do I fall in love with you once more? I just don't know why. I blame myself for everything. I don blame anybody on this. Cause everything is my own choice. Maybe I'm just too stubborn.

Lies Lies Lies.

I can never learn my lesson. I tried my best not to fall for you again. Or should I say I'm trying very hard not to love you anymore. Am I really a person who wanna know the truth which hurts myself? Or just let things be? I'm very confusing about myself.

Ok... I made up my mind...
- I'LL LET THINGS BE THE WAY IT IS
- I'LL STOP LOVING YOU
- I'LL ASSUME THAT YOU DON HAVE ANY FEELINGS TOWARDS ME ANYMORE
- I'LL KEEP EVERY OF MY PROMISE
- I'LL JUST TAKE YOU AS A FRIEND

* I HOPE YOU LIVE A HAPPY LIFE *

Back again...

2009-09-25T00:42:00.005+08:00

ADRIAN!!!!!

I MISS YOU!!!!!

Hmmm... It's like I'm obsess with you again??

You have been messaging me for the straight 2 days. So I'm kinda waiting for your message tonight, but there is no message from you. Kinda miss you tough.

I'm starting to fall for you again??

Don't really know how I feel towards you now. It's like so confusing. Do you still love me?? When i ask you about going back together you told me you are afraid that you are not ready yet. So which means you still love me?? I've told you that I still love you, but you did not say anything back to me.

Hmmm... So many question I want to ask you, but I just don't dare. Owh well...

ADRIAN FONG!!!!

I STILL LOVE YOU!!!!!

Nothing to say

2009-09-06T00:47:00.003+08:00

I LOVE YOU

ADRIAN FONG

< 3

P/s: Don't even know why I write this... Just some random stuff that I feel like shouting out from my heart... Although I feel that the love towards you had gone... =)

I remember...

2009-08-31T14:39:00.006+08:00

I remember the days that how you broke up with me. Feels like everything just happened yesterday. The pain is still there. How deeply you did hurt me.

I remember the days that how I beg you not to break up with me. How pathetic I am in begging you not to leave me when you don't love me anymore.

I remember the days that how I live without your love. Feels like I'm living in hell. Everything around me are in darkness. It's like the world are against me.

I remember the days that how I used to live without you. Feels like nobody cares for me. Feels like nobody will love me ever again.

These are what I remember when you left me behind with this world, with these pains. I too remember that...

I drink everyday, no matter night or day.
I don't eat for a week cause of you.
I do thinking of killing myself cause the pain that you cause is more than the physical pain.
I have lose weight up to 3 kilograms just a week.
I do cry like hell for you everyday uncontrollably.
I can't sleep soundly for almost 2 weeks.
I did wake up in the middle of the night to message you, telling you how much I've been hurt by you and how I feel.
I do feel lost in this world without you.
I do wish that someday you would come back to me.
I do promise myself that you would be the last person I love in my entire life.
I do promise myself that I will wait for you.

There are a lot of things I would wanna talk to you about. But there is this something that won't allow us to talk to each other? How I wish we would just be close forever but not being a couple which end up like this.

I'm sad and I do feel like crying. But I just have to control myself. It's no use I cry for you anymore. You don't love me anymore. We won't get back together. Hope you can find a better girlfriend than me and live happily ever after. =)

P/s: I LOVE YOU!!!!! <3

Love Is Gone

2009-08-31T14:08:00.004+08:00

Now that the love is gone

What are we supposed to do
After all that we've been through
When everything that felt so right is wrong
Now that the love is gone?

Love is gone

What are we supposed to do
After all that we've been through
When everything that felt so right is wrong
Now that the love is gone?

There is nothing left to prove
No use to deny this simple truth
Can't find the reason to keep holding on
Now that the love is gone, love is gone!

Now that the love is gone
What felt so right's so wrong
Noe that the love is gone

I feel so hurt inside
Feel so hurt inside
Got to find the reason

What are we supposed to do
After all that we've been through
When everything that felt so right is wrong
Now that the love is gone?

There is nothing left to prove
No use to deny this simple truth
Can't find the reason to keep holding on
Now that the love is gone, love is gone!

Got to find a reason
Got to find a reason
Got to find a reason to hold

Love, there;s nothing left for us to say, yeah
Love, why can't we turn and walk away?

What are we supposed to do
After all that we've been through
When everything that felt so right is wrong
Now that the love is gone?

There is nothing left to prove
No use to deny this simple truth
Can't find the reason to keep holding on
Now that the love is gone, love is gone!

Love is gone

The truth

2009-08-29T15:30:00.003+08:00

I don't even know where am I suppose to start all these craps.

You break up with me just because you are stressing.
You break up with me just because you don't want the relationship and don't wan me anymore.
You break up with me just because I don't understand you.
You break up with me just like this, leaving everything behind just like that.

How unfair is it. Hurting me this much. Making me living like hell for so many months. Stress? You think I never stress before when I'm with you? So what I'm stress? I bear with it myself. And I'm still continue on with you. I gave you a second chance! But what did you do to me? You didn't give me a single chance! You should tell me that what you want and we can overcome everything! But you did not do that. You just end everything just like that. Our love for each other are fake is it? How can you just say break up then break up?! You just say don want this relationship just like that. Remember how much we love each other?! Our feelings for each other are deep remember? Feelings for each other can say don't want then don't want? I don't think so! I just love you! When you wanna be with me then be with me, when you don't want then you break up with me. Have you ever take me as your girlfriend?!
You said that I don't understand you, but have you ever give me a chance to understand you?! NO!!! NEVER!!!! You never give me a single chance to let me understand you!! You never wanna talk about your things to me!! You always keep stuff to yourself!! I'm your girlfriend that time!! You should tell me everything!! I'm your GIRLFRIEND!!! If we can go through that I think we wont end up this way!! Not talking to each other!! We don't counted as friends even!!
I believe that if we don't break up that time, we would be very happy now!!!!!
ADRIAN FONG!!!!! HOW I WISH YOU CAN COME BACK TO ME!!!!! I STILL LOVE YOU!!!!! BUT... I DON'T THINK YOU STILL NEED ME IN YOUR LIFE ANYMORE!!!!!!

Cracking My Head??

2009-08-25T21:14:00.004+08:00

Thinking of making my blog P R I V A T E...

I'm still thinking about it tough. I'm still not sure about it yet. It's kind of me myself revealing too much about my emotions to the outside world? *haha* Need to keep it for some privacy?

I'm gonna consider of making my blog private. Just in case I really private my blog. Do ask me to invitation. If I consider you as a person that can read my blog. *haha*

Now I'm W O N D E R I N G...

When can I let MYSELF go?? Like seriously let myself go. I have no idea when will the day come. Maybe after... After... Actually I don't even know when the day will come. Maybe the day won't come forever? Oh My Gosh... I need to release myself from this.

I wanna have holiday with leaving Kuching and go somewhere there is nobody that I recognize. Living a happy, care free life. Wow... How nice if my wish come true.

I'm SORRY...

2009-08-25T20:32:00.002+08:00

I think I did said something wrong

and

I'M SORRY !!!

The best!!

2009-08-24T00:02:00.008+08:00

I've realized that I've been comparing you with all the guys that I know. No matter who. It's just weird that human really doesn't appreciate things when they owned it. They only appreciate that something once they have lost it. Human nature? Not so... We are just being stupid by not appreciate things when we owned it. Really stupid I can tell. Once you have got the things which you think is the best, you'll keep comparing the best with others or even find the better one. But is it this easy to find "another" the best or better one?? Actually there is no exact answer. It's all depend on yourself. Which is a bad thing for me. Cause I still can't deny that you are the best and there is no others just like you. Except I clone you?? LOL. What can I say. Maybe I just don't deserve you, which are the best. And you belongs to someone who deserve you more than me. You'll always be THE BEST!!!! and NOBODY CAN BEAT THAT YOU ARE THE BEST!!!!!

p/s: gonna find "another" the best!!!! If only he exist. If not gonna stay single forever and ever... hahhahah Oh ya... sorry if I did "offended" you or what... I don have any "isi tersirat" hahahha

Women Vs. Men

2009-08-21T00:04:00.003+08:00

WOMEN have a keen sense of smell.
MEN don't notice odors as much.

WOMEN recall every romantic event in detail.
MEN ... not so much.

WOMEN think about sex daily.
MEN think about it incessantly.

WOMEN are tuned in to relationship problems.
MEN don't recognize issues as readily.

WOMEN find problems where none exist.
MEN are more rational.

WOMEN know they're lost immediately.
MEN don't realize they're lost for a long time.

WOMEN express their heartache after a split.
MEN act like nothing's wrong.

P/s: haha... took this from a magazine... agree with some of it though... =)

Something wrong...

2009-08-20T21:41:00.001+08:00

Today I just feel like

C R Y I N G

!!!

='(

Sad day?

2009-08-17T23:57:00.004+08:00

It's a sad day for me today. Nothing much really happen that make me sad. But I'm just being influence by a friend of my. She's sad, I'm sad. Feel like crying when I see her cry. Ya, friends are IMPORTANT to me. Damn Freking Important. I'm sure that most of the people put family at the first place. But I'm just different. I put Friends at the first place at this stage. Friends had help me been through my down time. I just LOVE them. No matter how fucking bitchy or how bastard-ly you act, I will always take you as my friend if I think you are worth for a friend. I hate back stabber and betrayer. If you people don't like something about me, please do tell me IN FRONT of me. I can handle everything. Don't worry about hurting me. Back stabbing me or betray me is more hurt than you telling me stuff that you don't like about me in front of me. You can say anything in front of me but not BEHIND me.

About the sad part. It's about my past. And my friend being sad which makes me sad also. Hope everything is okay for her. And I do hope that BITCH know what she's doing. Hope will wake up someday.

P/s: I LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!! LOVE YA ALL!!!!! =)

Bla bla bla...

2009-08-14T01:34:00.004+08:00

S h h h h h h h h h h h ~ ~ ~ ~

I know... I know...

Stop nagging me about it...

Things have to move on...

Duh uh!!!!

I get it... I get it...

Stop nagging me about it...

Shesh!!!!

Told you already what...

I accept the fact already...

Just that feelings can't be controlled easily...

And it's a mood swing what...

What can I do right??

So stop nagging...

Urgh!!!!

p/s: feel like leaving Kuching to some other place... Stay at the place that I want to go for as long as possible... I don wanna... =)

ARGH!!!!!

2009-08-12T01:23:00.002+08:00

Can I curse in here??

A R G H H H H ! ! ! ! !

! @ # $ % ^ & * ( ) _ { } ?

I HATE MYSELF FOR BEING LIKE THIS!!!!

N I DON KNOW WHY THE FEELING IS COMING BACK AGAIN!!!

I SERIOUSLY HATE MYSELF!!!!

DEEP DOWN IN MY HEART THERE'S SOMETHING THERE WHICH I CAN'T SAY IT OUT AND IS ASHAMED TO SAY IT OUT!!!!

OH GOD!!!!

PLEASE LET ME GET THROUGH THIS!!!

LET THE FEELINGS FADE AWAY PLEASE!!!!

IT'S BETTER THAT YOU TAKE AWAY MY FEELINGS!!!!

I KNOW THE TRUTH AND ACCEPTED IT ALREADY!!!

BUT DEEP DOWN IN MY HEART I WANT THINGS TO GO IN THAT WAY!!!!!

*sigh*

I WISH I WONT....

*i know it's impossible*

K... Nights... Enough of bragging things...

It's not easy...

2009-08-10T00:06:00.002+08:00

It's never easy to forget someone who ever played an important part in your life before.

It's just like these few days. Don't know what had got into me.

I kinda miss him. Miss the feeling we being together a couple. Miss the time I find him everyday. Miss the time we spent our time together as a couple. Miss the feeling of loving and missing him.

H A I H S s s s s s

Kinda emo lo. This is the way it is. No turning back. No regrets. No nothing. I only blame myself for not treating him the way I should treat him. I mean treat him better.

A R G H h h h h h h h h

What I can do now is just forget about him!!!!! That's the only thing I can do now. And should do now. I know there's NO WAY we can get back together. NO WAY!!!!!!

I just miss him. Haih...

Just look forward lah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back...

2009-08-06T19:51:00.003+08:00

It's been almost two weeks I have not update my blog.
Had been out non stop in these two weeks. Kinda tired but hell it's fun!!! Nothing really much happen in these two weeks. Just a simple, dull life. The only thing I actually remember happened this week is I got angry. It's been a long long long long DAMN long time since I really got angry with somebody. But actually I'm okay after the few minutes later. Can't really get angry with somebody for so long. Plus I don't like myself being angry. It's kinda freaking people out. And also freaking myself out. I'm very scary when I'm angry.

PLus, I've been haunting for clothes for these few days. But too bad nothing really catches my eyes. Clothes in Kuching either it's too expensive or it's not nice. Saw this Kimono dress which is nice but it cost bloody RM99. It's so damn freaking expensive. I can get this kind of Kimono dress for RM34 at blogshop. But yesterday I bought a shirt from Esprit which only cost RM49.90. So happy! Cause it's cheap but ofcourse la. There's a sale going on, if not I wont get such a nice shirt for so cheap which is branded. *haha*

p/s: gonna hunt for more clothes!!!!!!! =)

Time has come...

2009-07-26T10:32:00.002+08:00

H m m m m m m m m m m m

I guess the time has come

*wink*

Hard time

2009-07-24T22:41:00.003+08:00

It's just hard to find someone who you truly love with all your heart.

What more to say find someone who is truly love you with all his or her heart.

And it's like when you were thinking that you just found the right one for you but it turn out that actually it's not.

Or even you think that he or she is the right one for you but it tuen out to be the opposite from the other party.

How sad can that be?!

Sometimes things just don't go to the way you want to.

That's life.

No matter how sad is it, how suffering is it, how unacceptable is it, how harsh is it.

You still have to bear and deal with it.

THAT'S LIFE!!!

It's just sad that you can't get the things that you want or the way you want something to be.

What I'm trying to say here is I'm still learning how to deal with the sad facts which I had a hard time in accepting it.

I still need time to deal with it.

I need a very very very damn very long time to deal with it.

I'm sorry if any of my attitude make you guys feel uneasy.

I'm saying sorry cause someone told me something about it.

I have feelings.

Those feelings just kept coming back and I'm trying to deal with it too.

If I'm wasn't so serious about it I wont have a hard time dealing with those facts and feelings already.

I do understand that things can't go back anymore.

No more feelings means NO MORE.

It's the end, Buhhhhhh Bye.

I still need time and I'm not trying to hold something here.

I hope the day that I really forget everything just come sooner or faster.

Oh My Gosh!!!

2009-07-19T02:17:00.003+08:00

OH
MY
GOSH
!!!

OH
MY
GOSH
!!!

OH
MY
GOSH
!!!

OH
MY
GOSH
!!!

OH
MY
GOSH
!!!

PLEASE DON'T LET ME SEE AND THINK ABOUT THE PAST... I CAN'T BEAR TO BE EMO AGAIN... I DON'T WANNA THINK ABOUT THE SAD, SUFFERING AND THOSE HURTING MOMENTS I'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS YEAR...
I'M SCARED OF IT...

Question!!!

2009-07-12T00:41:00.004+08:00

I have a question!! I have a question!!

Can Anybody tell me why people like to keep things in their heart?? And not saying it out?? Even the closest person they also wont speak out their problems!! How come huh?? For example, my Dad. Even he got a big big big problem he wont tell my Mum. How come huh?? It's like they have been living with each other for half of their life and yet my Dad don't even wanna tell what had happen. Oh My Gosh! It's like so weird man! You can't even trust your own wife? Or you don't wan your wife to suffer from it also? Aren't husband and wife should bear with happiness and sadness together? Why can't you just speak up?! My Mum kinda suffer with my Dad's attitude. It's kinda suffering that knowing the love ones is in trouble and have problem bothering them but don't even know what is it and can't help in anything. WootS!! I can feel the pain eh.

Daddy ar Daddy... People out there ar people out there... Don't keep everything to yourself. Don't you know that your love ones and people who care about you is suffering also? Speak up your mind please. =)

p/s: I notice that mostly the horoscope sign that like to hide their feelings and problem is VIRGO sign. As you can see my Daddy is a Virgo, ,my best friend is a Virgo and don't like to speak up also, Him is a Virgo also and Jayson is a Virgo and we don't really know anything about him.

Truly Madly Deeply

2009-07-10T22:48:00.002+08:00

I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy, I'll be your hope
I'll be your love, be everything that you need
I love you more with every breath truly, madly, deeply, do
I will be strong, I will be faithful

Because I am counting on a new beginning
A reason for living a deeper meaning yeah~~

I wanna stand with you on a mountain
I wanna bathe with you in the sea
I wanna lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

And when the stars are shinning brightly in the velvet sky
I'll make a wish send it to heaven that will make you want to cry
The tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty
That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection

Of the highest power and lonely hours
The tears divide you

I wanna stand with you on a mountain
I wanna bathe with you in the sea
I wanna lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
Cause it's standing right before you
All that you need will surely come

I'll be you dream, I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy, I;ll be your hope
I'll be your love be everything that you need
I love you more with every breath truly, madly, deeply, do

I wanna stand with you on a mountain
I wanna play with you in the sea
I wanna lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

I wanna stand with you on a mountain
I wanna bathe with you in the sea, yeah~~
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

I wanna stand with you on a mountain
I wanna play with you in the sea
I wanna lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

I wanna stand with you on a mountain

Tired...

2009-07-10T00:56:00.005+08:00

Don't know what had got into me again. Feeling so down the whole night. How come huh? Mood swing again? Don't think so. I'm just feeling very very down. Plus I feel very tired also. Don't feel like thinking so much and using my brain anymore. I wanna be dead!! Can't I just stop using my brain for 1 day? Just 1 day. I'm tired of living! Not that I wanna die or what. I just wanna have a rest for my brain. Not thinking of anything. And I'm tired of not knowing why I suddenly feeling so down. Seriously don't know why. It's like everything jumble up in my mind. Lots of thinking... Lots and lots of thinking... I don't like. Why must I have a complicated brain. How come it looks like I'm the only one who think this much? Or maybe you people out there think as much as me and even think more than me but you guys just keep it to yourself and didn't tell anybody. =)

What else can I say. This is me and that is you. We are different. I know that. And for me adopting people's attitude is 1 thing I would wanna try out. Wanna feel like keeping things to myself and wanna know how people feel like if I'm keeping things to myself.

R.I.P

2009-07-06T15:54:00.002+08:00

I

DIE

ONCE

AGAIN

6 JULY 2009

4.03 P.M.

Why?

2009-07-06T00:00:00.005+08:00

Why is it feel like that everything is coming back again?
Why am I being emo again?
Why do I still care about Him?
Why do I still so eager to know about his stuff?
Why can't I just let it go once and for all?
Why does things have to come back after a period of time?
Why do I still have feeling towards him?
Why do I still miss him sometimes?
Why do I still think about the past?
Why does it so hard to forget about what had happen?
Why is it so hard to forget a person?
Why am I still kinda feeling the hurt that he did?
Why am I still feel like crying over him?
Why am I still believing in it?
Why is this happening over and over again?

I feel like disappear in this world now. Leaving nothing in this world. Not to think of anything. Not to suffer in this situation anymore. Just leaving everything in the world.

Unsolve

2009-07-04T23:48:00.002+08:00

I so don't like people leaving me a question without an ANSWER!!
Bitch!! Please la hor... Don't you know it's very suffering when you're EAGER to know something but you just can't get any answer out of it!! F*UCK la!!! You think Da Vinci Code meh now?? Want me to go solve it myself!! Go hell la you!!

I don't even know why I so eager wanna know about it!! Shiat!!! Maybe things are coming back again??!! F*UCK!!!!!! Don't wanna involve in it anymore man!!!! I quit!!!!!!

BBQ night!!!!

2009-07-03T23:50:00.002+08:00

Event: BBQ
Place: Drey's house
Date : 2nd July 2009
Time : 7.00 p.m onwards

Having BBQ at Drey's house yesterday night. Shesh!!! It was FUN man!! I think the fun part are those liquor and beer. Haven't been drinking like this since ages!! I mean drink for a happy event. I've always drink alone and it's always cause I'm emo. I guess this is why people go to clubs huh? =)

Before having all those fun, I've been helping Drey to prepare the food. Reach her house at 2 p.m. something almost 3 p.m. and I promise to reach at 2 p.m. I thought I was late for the helping. Eventually, I'm the first one who arrived to help. *haha* The others are late. They arrived at 3 p.m. something almost 4 p.m. I guess. I was busying with the cooking part while the others clean outside of the house. Oh ya. Jayson, Lewis and Jason (Ang ge) help too. Lewis and Jason cook the spagetti. What can I say. It's nice. Shouldn't underestimate their cooking skills eh. *haha*

After finishing all the preparation for the party to start. I took a bath at Drey's house. Can't stand not taking a bath after sweating. How stupid am I that I forgot to bring towel. Drey borrowed me hers. Thanks, Drey. And kinda sorry I "mahuan" you. =S

Let's get the party started!!!!!!
The "hosts" was doing the BBQ. Which include Jason, Lewis and Him. Then the others kinda sit there and wait. That was at the begining. Then people starting to take over the grill. Except me. *haha* I'm wearing white colour shirt what. *paiseh* I was full already after eating the potato salad, spagetti, 2 sausages and a chicken wing.

Then start the drinking part!!!!!
Thanks to Jason that I'm kinda drunk. Asking people drink is the best part he did yesterday night. *haha* Then half way partying, the police came and said the neighbours complaint about those noises we made. Luckily nothing really happen also. After that we continue with the party. Everybody was kinda drunk that night expect for Yu An. He did not drink a single drop. *haha* The first person who drunk is Jason Bong. The first person who vomit was Johnny. *haha* So bad I laugh at him. xP I started to felt drunk when I drink the red wine. Then Kelvin keep laughing when he was drunk. So damn funny.

Oh ya. Remember the second previous post I was saying I'm predicting what they will do? I predict they would "suan" me right? Guess again. I was half correct ONLY. Never would expect that they will play so "rough" (cho). Er... Don't wanna mention anything about that. Whole night was "suan-ing" away.

I went back home at around 12. 21 a.m. Then off to bed I go. Overall, I was happy and I seriously had fun. I was so damn full!!!

I'm sad =(

2009-07-03T12:15:00.007+08:00

Jayson went back to KK already. Went to have dinner with him, Drey and Brandon. Then we went to send Jayson off to airport. I MISS him so much!! I don't like the feeling of seperation. Especially with someone who is very close again.

ARGH!!!!!!!!! I seriously hate it!!!!
Kinda reminds me how me and Him separate while I'm still deeply in love with Him. Okay quit those stuff. Don't wanna think of it anymore. Like what people say, we cannot go back to past and we can't change it. So just let it be. Time cures everything. Even the cut in my heart, but I know it wont fully recover. =)

I'm so freaking moody now. I miss Jayson. Oh My Gosh!! Never miss a person so much despite of Him. But please don't get me wrong. I don't LOVE him love him. I only LOVE him as a FRIEND. He's my BEST GUY FRIEND!!! *haha* I've been telling everything about me, my life, my feelings, my EVERYTHING!! How can I don't miss him when he's not here? Although sometimes he very "cipai" and "pubo" la. But I still love him. =D Feel like crying ah!!!!! How I wish he won't go back. Without him to spice up my life it's like my life is so dead.

Quit saying about the sad stuff already.
P/s: Take care, Jayson!! I'll MISS you!! If only u read my blog la. =)If go Labuan bring me back chocolates and alcohol!!!!! *haha*

Can't think of 1

2009-07-02T12:01:00.002+08:00

Just feel like writing something. But I've got nothing to write. *haha* Bored what. Gonna bring my bro back to school later. Driver!
Then later gonna be busy with the BBQ things. =)

Plus, I'm kinda predicting something. What would happen tonight. I think will being "suan" again. *haha* Plus with that Jayson's stupid action wanting me to admit something that I don't wanna admit and have no reason in admitting it. Shesh~~

I guess I use my brain too much. Don't care whatever it is I'll think very far and hesitate in doing every single thing. Can't I just don't think too much? Kinda hate my attitude of thinking too much about everything. *hehe*

Doze off...

2009-07-01T23:31:00.003+08:00

Short post before I doze off. Kinda have minor headache right now. Maybe the weather is too hot for me to handle eh. *hehe*
Nothing much about this afternoon really. The kinda "thing" really happen is...

From top to bottom... Here it goes...
Went out with Karen, Jayson and Kelvin today. I went to picked Jayson and Karen then head off to tHe Spring where Kelvin already waited us there. "Paiseh la Kelvin. For keep you waiting." We was like half an hour late. xP Then have my breakfast plus lunch at tHe Spring Food Bazar. Actually is kinda like high tea also? cause it's almost 3 p.m. already. I ate Salad Chicken Rice. Never try before and this is my first time eat the Salad Chicken Rice thre. It was not bad after all. Kinda the best Salad Chicken Rice. *haha*

After that we went for Ais Kacang. Hot weather with a nice cooling Ais Kacang is the best. At first we went to Stutong marktet to eat Ais Kacang. But it was closed so we headed to San Xiao there eat. But Kelvin said his car no petrol and need me to bring him. So i suggested him to parked his car at Lorong 16 and I'll bring him. When we reached there it was full of people. After finish our Ais Kacang then I drove them back to Lorong 16. Okay!! Get ready ya!!
The best part is coming!! *haha*

While we headed back to Lorong 16. There is high school girl which is quite cute in the back passenger seat in a car in front of me keep on looking at Kelvin. At first we din notice till Kelvin told us. *haha* Then we kinda like observing the girl. Like what had been told by Kelvin. That girl is like keep on peeking at Kelvin. Then we start "suan" Kelvin. *haha* Keep asking him to say "Hi" to that girl and kinda say he coward (sorry for using this word, english not that good and can't find another word to substitute it). Don't dare to say "Hi" to the girl and shy-ing away. He was like don even dare to look at the girl. *haha* It's the first time I see him acting like that. So damn shy! Kelvin, where is your skills that you've been saying you are good in hooking up with girls huh? *haha*

After that, I went to pick my brother from his school. Tired of being a driver la. Wish that I can afford another car. A Kancil for me I be satisfied already. *hehe* Okay... Off to bed now. And dream of me having a car. *haha*

Nites~~

Rise and Shine

2009-07-01T13:04:00.003+08:00

My morning is kinda okay. Sleep till 11.30 a.m. Haven't been sleeping till this late already. Kinda lazy wanna wake up this morning and keep on lazying around on my bed till almost 12 noon. Ya... I know. I act like a pig. It's nice okay? Haven't been really doing this since long time ago? Cause I really forget how long I've not been lazying around on my bed already.

I'm kinda obsess with the song "Unbreak My Heart" it's originally by Toni Braxton. But I listen to Whitney Houston version. I've been keep repeating it all over again and again. Oh My Gosh... It's so damn nice. Totally love the lyrics man! Oh ya... Went to Enter K with Jayson and Kelvin. We sang this song. And guess what? I phail. Know why? Cause I kinda don have the voice to sing this song. *haha*

Till here I'll stop. Maybe gonna update my blog very soon. Like tonight? Kinda addicted to blogging now. =D

Jumble up...

2009-06-30T18:41:00.006+08:00

Emotions are jumble up... Tired. Frustrated. Depressed. Emotionless. Hate. Confuse. Jealous.(not sure about this, don think so la) Er... Don't know la. Just feel like lying there, don't wanna move at all, don't wanna think of anything and just like being DEAD.

Wondering why can't human act like a robot. Press the "on" button and we are able to move around, think with our brain and full of emotion. When press the "off" button and we are like DEAD. Not moving at all, can't think of anything and emotionless. How I wish I can be a robot. Only think and have emotion when I wan to. Then I can choose what emotion I wanna experience in. How nice my life would be. Wrong. Should be "How WONDERFUL, COLORFUL and BEAUTIFUL my life would be!" *haha*

Oh ya... I kinda JUST realize something. Not gonna tell what is it about. What I can say is I'm like so darn slow. Shiat man! Seriously DARN F*CKING slow man! Only realize it NOW when the thing is like freaking few months ago. WTF! Seriously WTF man! Owh well... Told you before that I was stupid and slow. *haha*

I never knew that I will fall for it. I've always exclaim that I wont act like any other people acted. But I end up being no difference from them. LOVE blinded people, making people can't see the road ahead clearly. What can I say then. That's the way it is. That's the power of LOVE. =) Being in love is sweet, but when it ends it is bitter. That's it. And it's kinda a life path that human must walk through it? I've never regretted it. *haha*

I guess I'm too free which makes me always think of all these stuff huh? Love. Relationship. Romance. Other half. Boys. ;) Hey, all human being are the same okay. It's not wrong to think of it ya know. I kinda have lots of love philosophy eh... *haha* Geez... Can't I have other philospphy than this. LOLs!

Swing!!!

2009-06-28T23:57:00.005+08:00

What is the thing that is SWINGING??
Guess!!! *haha*
*teng* *teng* teng* *teng*
My MOOD!!!
Yes!! Again!!
I got mood swing again!!!

Tiring man. I seriously don't like myself being like this all the time. It's like this minutes I'm okay. Then the next minute I'm like kinda moody and stuff and think a lot about everything and anything.
And I'm thinking myself as STUPID.
Yes!! I'm STUPID!! I'm F*UCKING, FREAKING, DARN, DAMN STUPID!! =)

Sometimes, the answer you've been searching high and low for all these while. But, it's just right in front of you, showing you the answer. You just don't realize it.
This is what I've been experiencing. I've been searching high and low and have been cracking my head to figure out for the answer.And I finally found it. It's just right in front of me, showing me very clearly that the answer I've been searching for so long and I din even realize it.

So... What do you call this huh? STUPID la duh... Or just maybe I know the answer all these while and I just don't wanna accept it huh? Sometimes I've been thinking that maybe I the most STUPID person in this world. Easily fall for something like this. A better wording for STUPID is NAIVE. I'm NAIVE. =)

I've found the answer I've been looking for, for months and I've got it. And for someone... Yea! Your word hurts me a lot. Although it's true. I rather you din tell me that and just leave it like that at this moment. =)

AHA~~

2009-06-27T21:02:00.003+08:00

Haha... "Aha" about what??
He should know this.
I'm just kinda surprising that He's still reading my blog. *haha*
Erm...
I guess this blog is like a "link" between me and Him?
What I'm trying to say it's He knows everything about me...
As in my feelings... What I'm thinking... My thoughts and stuff...
And the unfair part is I don't know Hes. =)
Eh... Don't get me wrong ya. I'm not saying that He should own a blog and write down all of His feelings, thoughts and stuff la okay?
And maybe He never like...
Erm... "Doesn't care about anything anymore?" Get what I mean? My "isi tersirat". He so smart. Sure can get what I mean right? *haha*
I wanna know how come He send me that message after reading my blog. It's like I've been writing so many posts about Him for the past few months and and He only "reply" me NOW. Can He give me an answer? *Curious* =X
I'm just asking about it. If He don't feel like "replying" me it's okay. =)
And I guess I found out the true answer about "it"...
I was thinking like maybe... Just maybe... Sometimes there's a chance for me and Him to talk. But, we just can't speak up. That's what I'm thinking. =X
Maybe someday me and Him can talk to each other like normal. As friends.
Or we just should like kinda go back to semester 1 in foundation. Intro ourselves again. I mean like be friends all over again?
*haha* Whatever la. Let's just let the time do their stuff. Time matters remember? *haha*
K la... Till then... It's 1.05 a.m already.
Nites =D

Currently

2009-06-27T00:37:00.007+08:00

Current mode: Missing somebody
Person: Him
Emotion: Jumble up with happiness, sadness, disappointment

Well, look at the time now. Below there. It's already 1.24 a.m. and I'm missing Him. =)
Weird huh? How come I miss Him in a sudden? Neh... I'm not sure myself.
Know where is He now and I might have the ability to know what is he doing now at that place. =X
What can I say then? He loves FREEDOM. Actually who doesn't huh? I mean like seriously who doesn't.
That's kinda the reason He broke up with me. I've repeatedly asked myself about it.
"Did I control Him? Did I control Him too much? I'm a control freak? I did not give him the 'space' that he want? Shouldn't gave him curfew?" Too many question marks had been through my mind.
Hey, I'm not a mind reader okay? I need Him to tell me what He want from me. Freedom? 'Space'? Not to control him? Don't like the curfew tingy?
Oi! Speak up! Not as if He's dumb or what. He can talk ya know?
Speak up la duh. Aren't being in a relationship the most important tools to lengthen a relationship is COMMUNICATION?
Yeah! You heard me!! COMMUNICATION!!!
I repeat... COMMUNICATION!!!

I think I brag too much about it already...
Purpose of this post:
I just wanna write down and post up my current feelings... =D

Short post...

2009-06-26T22:41:00.005+08:00

This post would be a short post which requested by SOMEONE...
Won't you guys realize that mostly my post is about Him??
What can I say??
He's my Life??
Actually he USED to be my life...

Gonna make this short post not about him... =)
Last 2 days... which is Wednesday, 24th June, 2009.
Me, Jayson, Drey and 2 of her cousins, Veler and Gladys went to eat Roti Pisang.
Then on the way to Swinburne, there's this guy knock on the car window and pointed at my car's left side of the back tyre.
Then Drey look back and saw the tyre of my car pointed by that guy flatted.
Sure 1st thing come to your mind is that we panicked...
Too bad...
We did not...
The only problem now is...
Non of us know how to pump air into the tyre...
Owh well...
There's nothing we can do besides going to the petrol station and pump the air into the tyre...
Luckily Jayson was there...
He helped me while the others sit inside the car... *HaHa*
Then off Swinburne we go...

Reached Swinburne... Saw Him and Lewis...

*The End*

My Thoughts... =)

2009-06-26T19:32:00.007+08:00

How am I going to start with it??
Yesterday, went out to eat Roti Pisang with Drey, Lewis n Him... (Sorry, don feel like mentioning his name and I think you guys know who the Him is) =D
Like what I expected when I knew Lewis and Him is joining me and Drey for lunch...
Lewis would "suan" me and Him...(No hard feelings about it. I'm okay with it tough)
Like what I said... Lewis would "suan" us, as in me and Him...

It goes like this...
Lewis to Stella: Why are you so quiet?
Stella to Lewis: Nothing le.
Drey to Stella : Yalo... Why are you so quiet?
Stella to Drey : Eat till very full. Don't feel like talking.
Drey to Stella : Owh...
Lewis to Him : Eh... You usually talk a lot. How come today you so quiet also?
Drey to Us : Yala... Yala... How come you two (me and Him) so quiet?
Lewis to Us : How come you two don't talk? You guys haven't been talking for so long already le. How come you two don't talk? You guys quarrel is it? How come you to don't talk?
Me and Him : *speechless*
Him to Lewis : Eat eat... Don't talk so much.

What can I say right?
He din even speak up to answer any of Lewis's question.
Why and how would I answer him??
At that moment when Lewis ask those question there's an urge that I wanna say "Hi" to Him...
Just a SIMPLE "Hi" and I couldn't make it...
I was like CHOCKED up by something in my throat and I just COULDN'T speak up!!!
Gosh!!!!!
What had got into me?! You'll ask...
I DON'T KNOW!!!!
NEVER been my WHOLE life I act like that!!!

Assumption:
1. I don't feel like talking to him. Cause he hurt me too deeply and
I'm not fully recover yet?

2. I don't know what should I talk to him. Cause there's no topic
between me and Him?

3. I get use to not talk to him. Cause it's been about 3 months plus
and almost 4 months we did not talk to each other?

Conclusion:
There isn't any conclusion. I have no idea what is happening to me. =)

And I was kinda wondering, why would my friends and even my sis ask me this question:"Why won't you talk to Him?"
What The Hell...
Please la...
I'm finding an answer for this question for so long already and I can't get any!!!
Please... Next time turn around and try to ask Him about it and let me know...
Why won't He talk to me?? =)
Or maybe next time Lewis will start asking Him that question in front of me...
I'll thank him a zillion and I'll be glad that he did that... =D
I would like to listen to his answer... *HAHA*

RanDom!!!

2009-06-17T09:01:00.002+08:00

Love you?
Love you not?

Love you??
Love you not??

Love you???
Love you not???

Love you????
Love you not????

*teng* *teng* *teng* *teng*

LOVE YOU!!!!!

Zzzzzz

2009-06-09T00:24:00.002+08:00

I

START

DRINKING

AGAIN
!!!

Another sudden feelings

2009-06-05T20:43:00.006+08:00

Don't really know what have got into my mind right now...
I feel sad...
I feel empty...
I feel like drinking...
I feel like getting drunk...
I feel like forgetting everything...
Seriously EVERYTHING!!!
Is it because of him??
I've no idea myself...
I'm jealous about THAT??
I'm not happy with him not talking to me??

*no idea*

Was everything happening right now my fault??
It seems like everything going well UNTIL...
Am I too sensitive or what??
It's like I'm OK with everything already until...
Am I still in LOVE with him??
I seriously have no idea about that...
Cause it seems like I've giving up on him already...
I'm trying to be friends with him...
But it seems like I have difficulties in doing that...
Every now and then when I'm trying to approach him or take things never happen...
I just can't do it!!!
It just wont work in the way that I want...
The more I'm trying to forget everything the more it WONT work!!!
Maybe I'm not ready yet??
Don't know about that...

*blur* *blur*

When I was sleeping on the floor this afternoon at my friends house, I suddenly felt that it would be nice if He's here...
By my side...
I could sleep on his lap...
Really miss that...
Then I could hug him...

......BUT.......

That wouldn't be possible already... =(
Nothing would be possible for US anymore...
Have I accept the fact that WE wont be going back anymore??
Have I accept the fact that there is NO miracles between US??
Or am I still being stupid that someday...
Just someday...
That WE would be together again...
I think I'm trying to hold something between US...
I don't know...
And there's this feeling that I'm afraid to loose him...
Actually I'm loosing him already...
It's just so hard to explain!!!
I DO NOT WANT TO LOOSE HIM!!!!

*Sigh*

I seriously can't imagine if that day come...
Owh well...
What can I do right??
There's nothing that I can do to make Him come back...
There's nothing that I can do to turn back the time...
I'm just hoping that I can give up on Him...
Wont be emo because of him anymore... =)
But still...
I think that I might still in LOVE with him...

Suddenly

2009-05-21T20:20:00.001+08:00

I suddenly feel empty...

I suddenly miss "lorong" 16...

I suddenly feel like going there...

I suddenly miss Jayson (as friend)...

I suddenly feel like talking to him...

I suddenly feel like playing with him...

I suddenly feel like going out and have some fun...

I suddenly miss HIM a lot and do not know why this could happen...

I suddenly want him to be by my side...

I suddenly want to see him...

I suddenly feel very sad and feel like crying...

I suddenly have this stupid idea and wish that we could be together again...

I suddenly feel that I'm the most STUPID person in this WORLD!!!

WOOTSSSS!!!!!!

2009-05-20T21:00:00.004+08:00

What I "WOOTSSSS" about???

Look at the date up there...

It's 20th AGAIN!!!!!!!!

Big deal???

It's a big deal if it's 4 months ago!!!

And if we did not... HAHA!!!

If you do read my blog always you would know what is it all about... :)

Maybe like what my friend said (you know who you are) YOU maybe are reading my blog since you loves to read blog and think that I'm stupid enough and still haven't get over you...

But what can I say...

I just can't get over you...

Might as well you tell me what should I do...

Everybody did told me to get over you...

I did try and it seems like it's very hard for me to get over you and I would still miss you in a sudden...

And every month when it's almost 20th I would be very emo...

Maybe I still love you that's why this date still meant a lot to me...

Stupid???

Yeah... I guess so...

Hehe...

I'm not emo today cause I've been emo for 3 days already...

3 days!!!

Can't imagine that...

I've been emo since Sunday morning when I woke up until yesterday night... HAHA!!!

I am curious that what would happen if we are still together...

Would it be better or would it be worse???

Still the same old thing I would say...

We can work out...

We can work out if ONLY we want to...

But what you told me is that you can't do it, it's not as easy as I think...

"Never try Never know"

Or maybe on that time you don't love me anymore...

I don't know...

And I'm trying very hard not to think so much about it and tend to believe in what I'm believing in...

And I do remember you told me that DO NOT DOUBT in anything...

So....

I DO NOT DOUBT IN ANYTHING!!!!

Believing that you do love me and you are not fooling around with our relationship...

But as time passes, I tend to doubt all those stuff that I'm believing in...

Our relationship had end 3 months plus ago...

But still I can't get over you...

I just don't understand myself...

I do know that I need to get over you and move on with my life, but i just can't do it...

Maybe I'm still waiting for some kind of miracle to happen???

HAHA... STUPID!!!

SERIOUSLY STUPID!!!

I think I really am loving you and do not expect anything in return...

Maybe my stupidity had annoy you and you do feel disgust or maybe hated me...

What can I do???

I can't control...

If emotion are so easy to control then nobody would commit suicide in this world... :D

Ey... But I'm trying my best to control ok??

HEHE...

I do have feeling towards you!!!

HAHA...

Here... I want to wish you good luck in anything and everything although sometimes I do hate you... (Don't know why sometimes I hate you also)

SORRY!!!!!

p/S: If only you read la... HAHA!!!!

Wondering...

2009-05-17T13:18:00.003+08:00

Wondering why I miss him once I woke up this morning...

There's a urge that I feel like seeing him and messaging him...

Is it cause I've been talking about him last night which make me miss him this much???

I've no idea also...

I miss him soooooooooooooooooooooo damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

=( So feel like crying....

But the tears just wont come out...

So stupid...

I emo just for nothing...

I'm so stupid in getting myself emo...

...........

2009-05-16T16:42:00.006+08:00

Am I giving up on him already??

I'm not sure myself...

Sometimes I got jealous because of him...

Sometimes I don't even take him exist in this world...

I tend to take him as invisible so that I would not see him and make myself happier...

So... Am I giving up on him or am I just still kinda angry at him for ending up everything???

I'm blur myself...

Do I still love him??

If I do not love him how come I still got jealous cause of him??

Or do I still kinda angry and kinda hate him in ending up everything??

I don't know!!!!!

I still kinda hope tat we can go back together...

But at the same time I want to forget him...

SO COMPLICATED!!!!!!!!

I tend not to hate him...

N I tend not to love him...

He had changed a lot...

Maybe he's happier without me being in his life...

I don't know...

I think it's better he told me the true reason that he want to end this...

I don't think the reason is this simple...

I rather he being straight forward to me than hurting me like this...

HURT!!!!!!!

PAINFUL!!!!!!

SAD!!!!!!!

ANGRY!!!!!!

Maybe we both need some time for each other...

Hope everything will be okay...

I mean I hope that I wont have any emotional feeling because of him....

purpose

2009-04-17T23:55:00.008+08:00

I'm finding the purpose of living in this world...

It's very tiring...

Can't really get over with him...

Everything seems not going in the way that I've been planned...

Frustrating...

I really don't understand why human live in this world...

Wanna end the life also hard...

Random feeling~~

2009-03-30T20:47:00.006+08:00

Got a free counseling session from Jayson today...

Hey... Jayson... Thanks for the counseling ya...

Although it's kinda not working... Haha

Sorry ba... I very stubborn...

"Why won't you stop something which is bad when you have the choice to stop it?".... That's what Jayson ask me...

Sometime it's not that we don't wanna stop the bad things....

It's just that we DON'T KNOW how!!!

So we have to live with it!!!

Which make my life kinda live like hell now...

It's like I tend to emo everyday after I had break up with him... =P

I'm trying not to emo everyday...

But it turn out that I kinda emo everyday...

I get hurt easily...

I maybe look strong from the outside, but from the inside I'm fragile....
.
I'm just like any other girls outside there which need people to care for and need lots of love...

It will take me a long time to recover...

Really really long!!!!

It had been 1 month plus that we had broke up...

I still never thinking of giving up on you....

Maybe few years from now?? Hehe

The professional say: We only need to do something continuously for 3 to 4 months to get a habit...

That's true!!!

We had been continuously sms-ing each other for about 8 months counted in the days that we been together for 24/7....

Then now I suddenly can't message him...

Do you know how SAD is that??

It's easy to have a habit...

But, it's hard to put away a habit....

Ya, sure we need to try to put away the habit...

But it's hard!!!

I'm trying very hard now, but it seems like it's not working...

Do you know that YOU are the one who is on my mind when I wake up everyday??

The first think I think of when I wake up it's also YOU!!!

And YOU are the one who I think of before I sleep...

Had you ever heard the song Everytime from Britney Spears??

It's reflecting how I really feel now...

I DON'T KNOW how to give up on YOU...

You had given me the best memories and it wont fade away no matter what...

You are the one that I love...

You are always the best to me....

You are the guy that worth for me to wait and love....

You always said that you are not worth for me to love you and you also said that you are not a good guy....

For me YOU ARE!!!!!!!

It's because there is no reason for me to give up on YOU!!!!!

YOU are all that I wanted...

I admit that I don't even know what love is in the first place...

I'm sorry that I said I want to change YOU to the person that I want...

To the perfect person...

I'm SORRY!!!!!

I had love you in a wrong way...

Now I've learn my lesson...

I've should had love you who YOU are...

I just need another chance to cover up my mistake and love you in a different way and I believe that we will work out very well...

I SWEAR!!!

I'm willing to wait for YOU for a year or more...

As long as YOU come back to me...

YOU need a break I'll give YOU the break that YOU want...

It's because YOU are worth for me to wait...

I seriously hope that YOU will give me another chance to LOVE YOU in a correct way...

*praying*

And I feel different without YOU....

I LOVE YOU...

It's 20th again...

2009-03-20T23:19:00.003+08:00

It's 20th again...

The only different from the previous 20th is...

It's March 20th...

It would be the 3rd monthly anniversary if we did not break up...

Quite emo since yesterday till now...

I'm emo since yesterday because I saw the cake that HE bought for me for my birthday...

It really reminds me of HIM of the days that we had been so sweet together...

And the next day (which is today) is the official date we've been together...

I really misses YOU!!!

I just can't forget everything about YOU...

Am i stupid or what???

YOU had moved on with YOUR own life and live happily...

Why would I wanna think of the past which links to YOU and make myself suffer???

I just don't know why...

I just can't let YOU go...

Or maybe it's just not the time to let YOU go yet...

I love YOU...

I really really love YOU...

I know that I should let YOU go already...

But...

It's just seems like I do not want to let YOU go and I don't know how to let YOU go...

YOU are worth for me...

YOU are more precious than anything for me...

I believe that anything can happen in this world...

I never thought that I would be with YOU...

But in the end we end up together...

So...

I believe that there is a possibility that YOU will come back to me...

I just don't know whether my thinking is correct or what...

I just believe it....

Maybe I'm too naive...

Or YOU can say that I'm stupid la...

I just believe it!!!

Maybe YOU are reading this post or maybe YOU are not...

I just want to post out what I feel...

I LOVE YOU...

and EVER will....

Random post??

2009-03-15T23:22:00.002+08:00

Love you?

Love you not?

Love you??

Love you not??

Hehe... I'm still loving you... You see that?

Being close with other guy friends and looking at other cute n hot guys doesn't mean that I don't love you anymore...

I still love YOU!!!

Still hoping that someday you will come back to me!!! =D

*Peace*

Hope that you wont feel awkward anymore k?

Feel free when I'm around k?

Hehe...

I love YOU...

WTF!!!!!!!!

2009-02-28T01:16:00.002+08:00

Seriously don't understand myself!!!!!

I don't know why whenever I see him I feel soooooo angry!!!

I don't know why whenever he close to a girl, even though I know you guys are just friends i feel so jealous and angry!!!!

Jealousy really make my life sucks like hell!!!!

Why am I so damn angry??!!

Maybe I still love him??!!

NO!!!!!

I don't wanna love him!!!!!

He ever brought me to heaven....

And now....

He bring me to hell!!!!!!

Damn shit you!!!!!

I'm angry at you tough!!!!!

I do think when we are couple we live better....

At least I got a good reason to get angry and jealous....

But now I just think it's ridiculous that I'm angry and jealous at you....

Maybe you don't have the same opinion as mine that we live better as couple...

I don't know...

It's just make me feel like you live better without me bugging your life...

Just want you to treat me better....

But...

That's just my dream only...

I think I should stop thinking about you and give up on you!!!!

Stop putting any hope on you...

I also don't understand why I will fall for you at first....

Maybe I'm just blind that time...

I'm not regretting in loving you...

I'm just don't understand why.............

Why????

So many stuff that I wanna know....

But...

You just won't tell....

I don't think there is any hope between us anymore....

From now on....

Just let everything go the way it wanna go...

Hate loving!!!!

Don't ever let me fall for anyone again!!!!!!

Never!!!!!

Don't trust anybody so easy!!!!

They can just take back their promise anytime they want!!!!

They won't care about your feeling!!!!

They only will care for themselves!!!

I wanna live a new life!!!!

Live better than you!!!

I've should know it earlier!!!!

Guys never can be trusted!!!!!!!!!!!

I've lost trust in guys!!!

20th~~~

2009-02-20T19:10:00.007+08:00

Today it's 20th February...

The date 20th is a very special date for me from that day on...

The date gave me the happiest memory 2 months ago...

But....

It's different now...

It bring sadness to me now, whenever I think of it...

For me it's just different without you...

You gave me the best 1 month and 25 days...

But...

Why do you have to end it this fast???

Still don't understand...

Remember the song Until You by Shayne Ward...

It's the song that I gave you...

For me, the song really represent Me and You...

Until You

Baby, life was good...

But you just made it better...

I love the way you stand by me through any kind of weather...

I don't wanna run away, just wanna make your day...

When you feel the world is on my shoulders...

I don't wanna make it worse, just wanna make us work...

Baby, tell me I will do whatever...

It feels like nobody ever knew me until you knew me...

It feels like nobody ever loved me until you loved me...

It feels like nobody ever touched me until you touched me...

Baby, nobody, nobody until you...

Baby, it just took one hit of you...

Now I'm addicted...

You never know whats missing...

Till you get everything you needed...

I don't wanna run away, just wanna make your day...

When you feel the world is on your shoulders...

I don't wanna make it worse, just wanna make it work...

Baby, tell me i will do whatever...

It feels like nobody knew me until you knew me...

It feels like nobody loved me until you loved me...

It feels like nobody touched me until you touched me...

Baby, nobody, nobody until you...

See it was enough to know, if I ever let you go...

I would be no one...

Cause I never thought I'd feel all the things you made me feel...

Wasn't looking for someone, oh, until you...

It feels like nobody knew me until you knew me...

It feels like nobody loved me until you loved me...

It feels like nobody touched me until you touched me...

Baby, nobody, nobody...

It feels like nobody knew me until you knew me...

It feels like nobody loved me until you loved me...

It feels like nobody touched me until you touched me...

Baby, nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody, until you...

This song really saying out what I feel towards You when I'm with you...

Until now...

I still feel the same way...

Really hope that we can go back together someday...

I'll always wait for you no matter what...

Do read my previous post...

I did mentioned that I'll love you no matter what happen...

I do keep my promise...

Why can't you...

You promise that you'll love me no matter what...

Hope you still remember it...

You'll always be my first choice...

I love You...

Still remember this Rock that you gave me???

It's the best present that you gave me...

I miss the days that we are together...

Please...

I need you back badly...

I'm half empty without you as you fill me up!!!

Bye`Bye`

2009-02-16T11:42:00.001+08:00

It's

The

End

Of

Me

And

My

Life

Bye Bye

Wishing....

2009-02-10T20:24:00.004+08:00

I wish the time can trun back....

I wish we can go back just like last time....

I wish you can go back to the old days....

I wish this would never happen...

I wish you can tell me everything and don't keep to yourself...

I wish that I can change myself into a better person just like you...

I wish that the sad stuff can just vanish from my mind...

I wish that I can see you everyday...

I wish that I can be by your side everyday....

I wish that I can love you more and more each day...

I wish that you can spend your time with me...

I wish that I wont miss you so much...

I wish that on "that" day you can at least find me after you work...

I wish that you ask me to change too...

I wish that you can love me till the end of life...

I wish that you can know what I'm thinking every time...

I wish that we can go out together again like that day, only both of us...

I wish that I can be with you forever... and i know i can.... haha

I still LOVE you no matter what...

p/s: I wish all my wishes come true.... =P

Hater.......

2009-02-09T16:06:00.004+08:00

Does anybody know that

Love = Hate

Loving someone is equal to hating someone when he or she did something upset or disappoint you.

The deeper you love someone, the deeper you hate someone.

That's why I told you I HATE you!! I really really damn HATE you!!

I HATE you for treating me so good!!

I HATE you for not understand me sometimes!!

I HATE you for not giving me time to accompany you!!

I HATE you for not letting me to stay by your side!!

I HATE you for making me missing you so much!!

I HATE you for making me worrying you so much!!

I HATE you for making me caring you so much!!

I HATE you for doing so much for me!!

I HATE you for making me love you so deeply!!

I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!! AT THE SAME TIME I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

16th January 2009

2009-01-19T14:03:00.015+08:00

Haha...

It was my 19th Birthday!!!!
Do not have the mood to post it till now!!! Cheers~~~
I've been waiting for soooooo long already! Went to Enter K that morning with Kelvin, Karen and Jayson (my K friends).
Damn.....
Have fun singing with them. But, the time seems too short if us. We did not manage to sing finish the song that we picked. Haha...
(Sorry, for not taking any pictures)
Celebrated my birthday at The Junk on that evening. 15 of my friends attended. N I have to say that it was my Best Birthday ever. I have the greatest and the happiest night. Thanks for all my friends and you (you should know who you are if you read my blog). Hehe...
With my "creative" grandma, Audrey Hon.... Come out with a special to unwrap my present.

This is how it works:
1. There is a clue stick on to the wrapping paper.
2. The clue refers to the 10 person who shared this present.
3. I have to guess who's the clue refer to. 4. I only can unwrap the layer of wrapping paper if I have the correct guess until I get to open my present.
5. I got 3 chances of guessing for each clue.

Tada!!!!! Aren't my grandma creative or what?! Haha...
And don't know what's wrong with me. I'm blur on that night.. Hardly guess who's the clue refer to.

My first reaction when she told me about the rules.... Haha

Busy unwrapping the present...

With that "clever" Ching's idea... She make me to take out the candles from the birthday cake by using my mouth.

This is what she made me do.... haha

My birthday cake... Thanks, dear.... I love it....

And here comes the presents!!! Thanks for the present guys!!! I love them!!!!

Dear... Thanks for the presents...

Hey bitches... Do you know that I love all of the presents till I don even feel like using it or eating the chocolate...

MuaHaha... The pillow I've always wanted... Thanks!!!!

Going to show you guys some random pics... Hehe... It's kind of sad that we did not manage to take group pictures. First, we are late for the birthday dinner. Second, we are rushing to Chilax for continue celebrating my birthday... But, too bad when we reach Chilax it closed already. The we went to airport McD... Haha... Sounds sad huh?? NOT!!! As long as I can be with my friends anywhere is ok with me.... Haha

Here's the pictures....

Hehe....

Drey and Daniel....

Lewis was feeding Adrian.... So gay... Haha...

My dear and me... hehe

Ah beng Brandon and Jayson...

Jason, Kelvin, Karen and Sian...

sad....

2009-01-18T22:23:00.003+08:00

WTF!!!!!!! What is wrong with me anyway????!!!! I'm getting more and more blur about myself!!!!! I hate being immature!!!!!!! I don't want this to happen to me!!!!!!! I'm sad of being like that!!!!!!! It torture myself and you!!!!!!!! I'm soooo sorry about that!!!!! Please forgive me!!!!! I should tolerate you more in not understand me... I should understand that I should be patient at you.... I'm angry and sad at the same time that I angry at you... I'm sooooooo sorry!!!!!! I'll never give up on you!!!!!!!! N I'll always love you!!!!!!!!!!

Another lesson of my life

2008-12-19T23:50:00.003+08:00

Anything could happen in this world...

Never thought that this could happen. At first i was just being playful. I'm just fooling around with HIM at that moment. But what happen now is a total different from that time. The world had change. And make me to change my opinion towards a lot of things.
..............................................

At that moment i actually like a guy which i think is the guy that what I want all along. But it turn out differently. On that day, me n Ching making "prank" massage out of boredom and send it to HIM. The message was telling him that we both like him n whatsoever crap. And friends had warned me of really being in love with HIM. But I never care about it. Haha...
........................................................................

As time passes, i actually have a special feeling towards him! HE is a kind of guy that i seriously never thought of i will fall in love with! But HE had change my mind! And had actually make me fall in love with him so deeply. Although HE is not the ideal guy what I had in my mind, but HE had made himself a very important position in my heart.
..............................................

But, there are times where HE make me disappointed in HIM. What can I say. This situation also appear in every couples. Guys never understand gals. Guys never know what girls want from them. I really don't like it when a person don't understand me, especially the person that I care and love most. It sadden me la ok?! Another thing that i don't really like about HIM is being so "batu". Haha...
But I know that HE changing HIMSELF now. I don't mind waiting. I only want to keep this relationship as long as possible.
..........................................................................

HE really meant a lot to me. My emotions following how HIS emotion goes. Whenever HE feel happy, I would be happy. Hope everything work out well between us and I don't want to loose the feeling towards HIM. I'll love HIM no matter what happen!

Emo...

2008-12-03T22:40:00.003+08:00

Can anyone tell me?!

Can anyone tell me that why a person can suddenly get emo and feel empty about anything?
Cause I seriously don't know what had happen to me. I can suddenly get emo and felt life is empty!
Hate this kind of feeling... Feel like this world has no hope already... I'm going to end my life soon...
What the hell is happening to me!
In this minute I can be hyper, but the next minute I'll feel emo n empty already...
Trying to get rid of this kind of feeling, but nothing work!
Hate this!

Today!!!!

2008-11-01T23:05:00.004+08:00

Saturday!!!

Wake up very very early this morning, cause me n my friends are joining telematch which organized by our own school. When we reach there it was 8 a.m... Early right. But it end up that the telematch start at 9.30. We can't do anything, but just to wait. *Progress of waiting* (Don't feel like say it out, cause it's a long story). Then when it's 9.30, we went to the person in charge to "report" ourselves. It turn out that they do not have our name on their participants list. Shesh.... Make me wake up so early for nothing. Haih....

After that, Jonathan came to our school and we went to eat breakfast at McDonald. We went back to Swinburne again to check out the food stall. Haha... Me n my friends stay inside Jonathan's car to pretend to be Ah Lien and Ah Beng. Haha... And try to attract people walk pass by turning the volume higher and honk the people pass by. Haha...

It was my first time experience. Audrey came out from the auditorium and told us that there is a eyelashes perming service inside and it only cost RM9.90... So cheap. Then we decide to do it. We have to close our eyes for the whole process and it the process was 45 minutes long. The thing made me not comfortable was that people can see us perming our eyelashes!!!! Plus, those guy friends was taking our photo... Shesh... Must take permission when u take our photo ok???

Pictures:

Audrey was waiting....

Karen was thinking *Is it ready yet*

Where is my picture then.... Sorry la.... Can't take my own picture since i can't even open my eyes la... I'll try to get from my friend then I'll upload it... Hehe...

Yesterday!!!

2008-11-01T22:08:00.004+08:00

Friday!!!

In the morning, as usual... Went to Swinburne in the early morning. It's my last marketing class. So happy. The fun start when the clock struck on 11.20 a.m. Me and my friends Kelvin, Daniel and Karen went to Enter K. While my other friends went to other places. It's quite embarrassing. Cause I sing out of TUNE. Haha... Paiseh la... The people around me suffered. We sing mostly Chinese song. A bit kesian Daniel. Cause he don sing Chinese song. Felt a bit sorry. Haha...

Here are some pictures when we are in Enter K.Kelvin.

Karen.

Seriously!!!!!! I took Daniel's picture... But it's just not in my phone... Sh*t....

After that, we sent Daniel home, then we went back to Swinburne to "study".... But I end up doodling on my Marketing notes... Cause I'm not in a mood to study.Ok. Pictures again.

What I doodle on my Marketing paper.

Blood dripping from a red rose...

Don't know what word to write. So, STUPID lo...

Love is in the air...

Love is cracking and blood is dripping from a broken heart...

I know that I'm not good in drawing la... Just feel like drawing that stuff on that moment...
Cheers!!!

Lazy.....

2008-10-27T01:06:00.004+08:00

Back with blogging after 2 days... Nothing happen much yesterday. The only thing happen is I went to Sian's house and celebrated her birthday with a bunch of friends. Then the interesting part is Jonathan went drunk. But, not drunk enough. Haha... Talk about things happen 2 days earlier... In the afternoon there was a party in room 9.13 ( i think). It was a so call 'farewell party' cause it was the last class for English. There are some pictures. BUT..... Sorry la... LAZY want to post. After that afternoon, I went to Battle Of The Band with my friends... The bands there are not bad after all. Haha... Especially like the break dancing... And it cames again... Sorry... Cause I got pictures but LAZY wanna post it up.

P/s: I recommend you people out there do not read it... Cause it's LAME... Do not scold or blame to me that it's LAME.... Because I told you already.

Final!!!

2008-10-22T22:43:00.006+08:00

*Come back with something*

Final exam is coming. But I sill don't have then intention to study! Shesh!!! This really cannot go on. If not, sure I'll fail in my LAW test! Haha... Really can't expect my mid term test mark will be that low. I expect it to be more higher ok?! Haih... There is a bit of disappointment when I saw my result that day. Now... Hopefully can get a better mark for my LAW test. Or in other way... I can BLACKMAIL HIM... Hehe...

a F day!

2008-10-20T21:30:00.008+08:00

*Since there is a lot of arguments about the previous F word, I'll change to other F word.*

What is my F stands for? Sure you all know what it means right? DO NOT TELL ME YOU DO NOT WHAT IS IT ABOUT! It is a F day because lots of bad things happened today. Bad news and all those stuff I don think is good. DUH.... Haha! Sure bad stuff is not good la! Till the end... I don't wan to tell you all what is it about. Haha! Now... When you are angry, what will you to to release your anger?

SCRAMBLE WHATEVER YOU WANT TO SAY IN A PAPER
Now... Try to see what i did... Hehe... (the F had been change)

Ignore the blank page down there. You'll see it later!

This is the one! BULL SHIT!

Actually still got others. But CONFIDENTIAL!!! haha...

FREEDOM!!!!!

2008-10-19T15:55:00.005+08:00

I want FREEDOM! Does anybody know that FREEDOM meant a lot to me?
I don't think anybody know that, even my parents!
And I think that no one understands me.
The only person who understand me is HER.
I really felt very angry that my parents don't let me out.
It's just like I've been trap in my own house.
I need to be FREE!
I need to go out whenever I want, wherever I want!
Shesh....
Hate Being Control!
I rather DIE than Losing my FREEDOM!!!

Swt Alot!!!

2008-10-18T23:16:00.003+08:00

I'm back with another post after the post 1 hour ago... Cause I got nothing better to do. Just watched Disaster Movie with my bro. The movie was really silly, stupid and some what funny. The ending really makes people unspeakable. The ending was like singing a song which the content is a guy actually dating another guy, and another girl was dating another girl. *WTH* Plus, my bro was shaking his head after watching the movie. Haha...

"Hard Time Of Mine"

2008-10-18T21:37:00.002+08:00

After woke up this morning. Or should I say this afternoon (12+ p.m). Shesh... Forget about it. I planned to go to my "BELOVED" friend's house to spend my boring afternoon. But it turn out to be that Audrey brought us out to Spring. After that we went to Song Kheng Hai eat "ais kacang" and "cha kiuh". Then, went to a park near MBKS. Now, you might be asking where is the hard time. I'll tell you now. Can you imagine 7 people squeeze inside a car. The car was Proton Savy some more. This means there are 5 people squeeze in the back seat! I'm included inside! And the worst part is BRANDON keep moving inside the car, using his head knocking my head, disturbing Daniel's breast (suppose to be CHEST) Haha... And make him moving inside the car some more. Plus, it was stuffy inside the car and BRANDON's silly singing skills really makes me know that PEACE is very very very MPORTANT. But it was actually fun going out with a bunch of friends!!!

1st Post!!!

2008-10-18T00:19:00.000+08:00

My very own first post!!!!! Muahaha.... Created this blog cause I'm super bored!!!!!!!!!!! Got nothing much happen today..... The only thing that i think i shouldn't do was sleep at 7.30 p.m n woke up at 10.30 p.m.... Which make me can't sleep now!!!!!!!! Oh ya.... And i went to eat "ais kacang" with my sis and her friend which the "ais kacang" is really really nice.... The "ais kacang" stall is nearby Chung Hua School no.3.... Here goes my boring day....