Suddenly

I suddenly feel empty...

I suddenly miss "lorong" 16...

I suddenly feel like going there...

I suddenly miss Jayson (as friend)...

I suddenly feel like talking to him...

I suddenly feel like playing with him...

I suddenly feel like going out and have some fun...

I suddenly miss HIM a lot and do not know why this could happen...

I suddenly want him to be by my side...

I suddenly want to see him...

I suddenly feel very sad and feel like crying...

I suddenly have this stupid idea and wish that we could be together again...

I suddenly feel that I'm the most STUPID person in this WORLD!!!

WOOTSSSS!!!!!!

What I "WOOTSSSS" about???

Look at the date up there...

It's 20th AGAIN!!!!!!!!

Big deal???

It's a big deal if it's 4 months ago!!!

And if we did not... HAHA!!!

If you do read my blog always you would know what is it all about... :)

Maybe like what my friend said (you know who you are) YOU maybe are reading my blog since you loves to read blog and think that I'm stupid enough and still haven't get over you...

But what can I say...

I just can't get over you...

Might as well you tell me what should I do...

Everybody did told me to get over you...

I did try and it seems like it's very hard for me to get over you and I would still miss you in a sudden...

And every month when it's almost 20th I would be very emo...

Maybe I still love you that's why this date still meant a lot to me...

Stupid???

Yeah... I guess so...

Hehe...

I'm not emo today cause I've been emo for 3 days already...

3 days!!!

Can't imagine that...

I've been emo since Sunday morning when I woke up until yesterday night... HAHA!!!

I am curious that what would happen if we are still together...

Would it be better or would it be worse???

Still the same old thing I would say...

We can work out...

We can work out if ONLY we want to...

But what you told me is that you can't do it, it's not as easy as I think...

"Never try Never know"

Or maybe on that time you don't love me anymore...

I don't know...

And I'm trying very hard not to think so much about it and tend to believe in what I'm believing in...

And I do remember you told me that DO NOT DOUBT in anything...

So....

I DO NOT DOUBT IN ANYTHING!!!!

Believing that you do love me and you are not fooling around with our relationship...

But as time passes, I tend to doubt all those stuff that I'm believing in...

Our relationship had end 3 months plus ago...

But still I can't get over you...

I just don't understand myself...

I do know that I need to get over you and move on with my life, but i just can't do it...

Maybe I'm still waiting for some kind of miracle to happen???

HAHA... STUPID!!!

SERIOUSLY STUPID!!!

I think I really am loving you and do not expect anything in return...

Maybe my stupidity had annoy you and you do feel disgust or maybe hated me...

What can I do???

I can't control...

If emotion are so easy to control then nobody would commit suicide in this world... :D

Ey... But I'm trying my best to control ok??

HEHE...

I do have feeling towards you!!!

HAHA...

Here... I want to wish you good luck in anything and everything although sometimes I do hate you... (Don't know why sometimes I hate you also)

SORRY!!!!!

p/S: If only you read la... HAHA!!!!

Wondering...

Wondering why I miss him once I woke up this morning...

There's a urge that I feel like seeing him and messaging him...

Is it cause I've been talking about him last night which make me miss him this much???

I've no idea also...

I miss him soooooooooooooooooooooo damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

=( So feel like crying....

But the tears just wont come out...

So stupid...

I emo just for nothing...

I'm so stupid in getting myself emo...

...........

Am I giving up on him already??

I'm not sure myself...

Sometimes I got jealous because of him...

Sometimes I don't even take him exist in this world...

I tend to take him as invisible so that I would not see him and make myself happier...

So... Am I giving up on him or am I just still kinda angry at him for ending up everything???

I'm blur myself...

Do I still love him??

If I do not love him how come I still got jealous cause of him??

Or do I still kinda angry and kinda hate him in ending up everything??

I don't know!!!!!

I still kinda hope tat we can go back together...

But at the same time I want to forget him...

SO COMPLICATED!!!!!!!!

I tend not to hate him...

N I tend not to love him...

He had changed a lot...

Maybe he's happier without me being in his life...

I don't know...

I think it's better he told me the true reason that he want to end this...

I don't think the reason is this simple...

I rather he being straight forward to me than hurting me like this...

HURT!!!!!!!

PAINFUL!!!!!!

SAD!!!!!!!

ANGRY!!!!!!

Maybe we both need some time for each other...

Hope everything will be okay...

I mean I hope that I wont have any emotional feeling because of him....

purpose

I'm finding the purpose of living in this world...

It's very tiring...

Can't really get over with him...

Everything seems not going in the way that I've been planned...

Frustrating...

I really don't understand why human live in this world...

Wanna end the life also hard...

Random feeling~~

Got a free counseling session from Jayson today...

Hey... Jayson... Thanks for the counseling ya...

Although it's kinda not working... Haha

Sorry ba... I very stubborn...

"Why won't you stop something which is bad when you have the choice to stop it?".... That's what Jayson ask me...

Sometime it's not that we don't wanna stop the bad things....

It's just that we DON'T KNOW how!!!

So we have to live with it!!!

Which make my life kinda live like hell now...

It's like I tend to emo everyday after I had break up with him... =P

I'm trying not to emo everyday...

But it turn out that I kinda emo everyday...

I get hurt easily...

I maybe look strong from the outside, but from the inside I'm fragile....
.
I'm just like any other girls outside there which need people to care for and need lots of love...

It will take me a long time to recover...

Really really long!!!!

It had been 1 month plus that we had broke up...

I still never thinking of giving up on you....

Maybe few years from now?? Hehe

The professional say: We only need to do something continuously for 3 to 4 months to get a habit...

That's true!!!

We had been continuously sms-ing each other for about 8 months counted in the days that we been together for 24/7....

Then now I suddenly can't message him...

Do you know how SAD is that??

It's easy to have a habit...

But, it's hard to put away a habit....

Ya, sure we need to try to put away the habit...

But it's hard!!!

I'm trying very hard now, but it seems like it's not working...

Do you know that YOU are the one who is on my mind when I wake up everyday??

The first think I think of when I wake up it's also YOU!!!

And YOU are the one who I think of before I sleep...

Had you ever heard the song Everytime from Britney Spears??

It's reflecting how I really feel now...

I DON'T KNOW how to give up on YOU...

You had given me the best memories and it wont fade away no matter what...

You are the one that I love...

You are always the best to me....

You are the guy that worth for me to wait and love....

You always said that you are not worth for me to love you and you also said that you are not a good guy....

For me YOU ARE!!!!!!!

It's because there is no reason for me to give up on YOU!!!!!

YOU are all that I wanted...

I admit that I don't even know what love is in the first place...

I'm sorry that I said I want to change YOU to the person that I want...

To the perfect person...

I'm SORRY!!!!!

I had love you in a wrong way...

Now I've learn my lesson...

I've should had love you who YOU are...

I just need another chance to cover up my mistake and love you in a different way and I believe that we will work out very well...

I SWEAR!!!

I'm willing to wait for YOU for a year or more...

As long as YOU come back to me...

YOU need a break I'll give YOU the break that YOU want...

It's because YOU are worth for me to wait...

I seriously hope that YOU will give me another chance to LOVE YOU in a correct way...

*praying*

And I feel different without YOU....

I LOVE YOU...

It's 20th again...

It's 20th again...

The only different from the previous 20th is...

It's March 20th...

It would be the 3rd monthly anniversary if we did not break up...

Quite emo since yesterday till now...

I'm emo since yesterday because I saw the cake that HE bought for me for my birthday...

It really reminds me of HIM of the days that we had been so sweet together...

And the next day (which is today) is the official date we've been together...

I really misses YOU!!!

I just can't forget everything about YOU...

Am i stupid or what???

YOU had moved on with YOUR own life and live happily...

Why would I wanna think of the past which links to YOU and make myself suffer???

I just don't know why...

I just can't let YOU go...

Or maybe it's just not the time to let YOU go yet...

I love YOU...

I really really love YOU...

I know that I should let YOU go already...

But...

It's just seems like I do not want to let YOU go and I don't know how to let YOU go...

YOU are worth for me...

YOU are more precious than anything for me...

I believe that anything can happen in this world...

I never thought that I would be with YOU...

But in the end we end up together...

So...

I believe that there is a possibility that YOU will come back to me...

I just don't know whether my thinking is correct or what...

I just believe it....

Maybe I'm too naive...

Or YOU can say that I'm stupid la...

I just believe it!!!

Maybe YOU are reading this post or maybe YOU are not...

I just want to post out what I feel...

I LOVE YOU...

and EVER will....