Zzzzzz

I

START

DRINKING

AGAIN
!!!

Another sudden feelings

Don't really know what have got into my mind right now...
I feel sad...
I feel empty...
I feel like drinking...
I feel like getting drunk...
I feel like forgetting everything...
Seriously EVERYTHING!!!
Is it because of him??
I've no idea myself...
I'm jealous about THAT??
I'm not happy with him not talking to me??

*no idea*

Was everything happening right now my fault??
It seems like everything going well UNTIL...
Am I too sensitive or what??
It's like I'm OK with everything already until...
Am I still in LOVE with him??
I seriously have no idea about that...
Cause it seems like I've giving up on him already...
I'm trying to be friends with him...
But it seems like I have difficulties in doing that...
Every now and then when I'm trying to approach him or take things never happen...
I just can't do it!!!
It just wont work in the way that I want...
The more I'm trying to forget everything the more it WONT work!!!
Maybe I'm not ready yet??
Don't know about that...

*blur* *blur*

When I was sleeping on the floor this afternoon at my friends house, I suddenly felt that it would be nice if He's here...
By my side...
I could sleep on his lap...
Really miss that...
Then I could hug him...

......BUT.......

That wouldn't be possible already... =(
Nothing would be possible for US anymore...
Have I accept the fact that WE wont be going back anymore??
Have I accept the fact that there is NO miracles between US??
Or am I still being stupid that someday...
Just someday...
That WE would be together again...
I think I'm trying to hold something between US...
I don't know...
And there's this feeling that I'm afraid to loose him...
Actually I'm loosing him already...
It's just so hard to explain!!!
I DO NOT WANT TO LOOSE HIM!!!!

*Sigh*

I seriously can't imagine if that day come...
Owh well...
What can I do right??
There's nothing that I can do to make Him come back...
There's nothing that I can do to turn back the time...
I'm just hoping that I can give up on Him...
Wont be emo because of him anymore... =)
But still...
I think that I might still in LOVE with him...

Suddenly

I suddenly feel empty...

I suddenly miss "lorong" 16...

I suddenly feel like going there...

I suddenly miss Jayson (as friend)...

I suddenly feel like talking to him...

I suddenly feel like playing with him...

I suddenly feel like going out and have some fun...

I suddenly miss HIM a lot and do not know why this could happen...

I suddenly want him to be by my side...

I suddenly want to see him...

I suddenly feel very sad and feel like crying...

I suddenly have this stupid idea and wish that we could be together again...

I suddenly feel that I'm the most STUPID person in this WORLD!!!

WOOTSSSS!!!!!!

What I "WOOTSSSS" about???

Look at the date up there...

It's 20th AGAIN!!!!!!!!

Big deal???

It's a big deal if it's 4 months ago!!!

And if we did not... HAHA!!!

If you do read my blog always you would know what is it all about... :)

Maybe like what my friend said (you know who you are) YOU maybe are reading my blog since you loves to read blog and think that I'm stupid enough and still haven't get over you...

But what can I say...

I just can't get over you...

Might as well you tell me what should I do...

Everybody did told me to get over you...

I did try and it seems like it's very hard for me to get over you and I would still miss you in a sudden...

And every month when it's almost 20th I would be very emo...

Maybe I still love you that's why this date still meant a lot to me...

Stupid???

Yeah... I guess so...

Hehe...

I'm not emo today cause I've been emo for 3 days already...

3 days!!!

Can't imagine that...

I've been emo since Sunday morning when I woke up until yesterday night... HAHA!!!

I am curious that what would happen if we are still together...

Would it be better or would it be worse???

Still the same old thing I would say...

We can work out...

We can work out if ONLY we want to...

But what you told me is that you can't do it, it's not as easy as I think...

"Never try Never know"

Or maybe on that time you don't love me anymore...

I don't know...

And I'm trying very hard not to think so much about it and tend to believe in what I'm believing in...

And I do remember you told me that DO NOT DOUBT in anything...

So....

I DO NOT DOUBT IN ANYTHING!!!!

Believing that you do love me and you are not fooling around with our relationship...

But as time passes, I tend to doubt all those stuff that I'm believing in...

Our relationship had end 3 months plus ago...

But still I can't get over you...

I just don't understand myself...

I do know that I need to get over you and move on with my life, but i just can't do it...

Maybe I'm still waiting for some kind of miracle to happen???

HAHA... STUPID!!!

SERIOUSLY STUPID!!!

I think I really am loving you and do not expect anything in return...

Maybe my stupidity had annoy you and you do feel disgust or maybe hated me...

What can I do???

I can't control...

If emotion are so easy to control then nobody would commit suicide in this world... :D

Ey... But I'm trying my best to control ok??

HEHE...

I do have feeling towards you!!!

HAHA...

Here... I want to wish you good luck in anything and everything although sometimes I do hate you... (Don't know why sometimes I hate you also)

SORRY!!!!!

p/S: If only you read la... HAHA!!!!

Wondering...

Wondering why I miss him once I woke up this morning...

There's a urge that I feel like seeing him and messaging him...

Is it cause I've been talking about him last night which make me miss him this much???

I've no idea also...

I miss him soooooooooooooooooooooo damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

=( So feel like crying....

But the tears just wont come out...

So stupid...

I emo just for nothing...

I'm so stupid in getting myself emo...

...........

Am I giving up on him already??

I'm not sure myself...

Sometimes I got jealous because of him...

Sometimes I don't even take him exist in this world...

I tend to take him as invisible so that I would not see him and make myself happier...

So... Am I giving up on him or am I just still kinda angry at him for ending up everything???

I'm blur myself...

Do I still love him??

If I do not love him how come I still got jealous cause of him??

Or do I still kinda angry and kinda hate him in ending up everything??

I don't know!!!!!

I still kinda hope tat we can go back together...

But at the same time I want to forget him...

SO COMPLICATED!!!!!!!!

I tend not to hate him...

N I tend not to love him...

He had changed a lot...

Maybe he's happier without me being in his life...

I don't know...

I think it's better he told me the true reason that he want to end this...

I don't think the reason is this simple...

I rather he being straight forward to me than hurting me like this...

HURT!!!!!!!

PAINFUL!!!!!!

SAD!!!!!!!

ANGRY!!!!!!

Maybe we both need some time for each other...

Hope everything will be okay...

I mean I hope that I wont have any emotional feeling because of him....

purpose

I'm finding the purpose of living in this world...

It's very tiring...

Can't really get over with him...

Everything seems not going in the way that I've been planned...

Frustrating...

I really don't understand why human live in this world...

Wanna end the life also hard...