Another sudden feelings

Don't really know what have got into my mind right now...
I feel sad...
I feel empty...
I feel like drinking...
I feel like getting drunk...
I feel like forgetting everything...
Seriously EVERYTHING!!!
Is it because of him??
I've no idea myself...
I'm jealous about THAT??
I'm not happy with him not talking to me??

*no idea*

Was everything happening right now my fault??
It seems like everything going well UNTIL...
Am I too sensitive or what??
It's like I'm OK with everything already until...
Am I still in LOVE with him??
I seriously have no idea about that...
Cause it seems like I've giving up on him already...
I'm trying to be friends with him...
But it seems like I have difficulties in doing that...
Every now and then when I'm trying to approach him or take things never happen...
I just can't do it!!!
It just wont work in the way that I want...
The more I'm trying to forget everything the more it WONT work!!!
Maybe I'm not ready yet??
Don't know about that...

*blur* *blur*

When I was sleeping on the floor this afternoon at my friends house, I suddenly felt that it would be nice if He's here...
By my side...
I could sleep on his lap...
Really miss that...
Then I could hug him...

......BUT.......

That wouldn't be possible already... =(
Nothing would be possible for US anymore...
Have I accept the fact that WE wont be going back anymore??
Have I accept the fact that there is NO miracles between US??
Or am I still being stupid that someday...
Just someday...
That WE would be together again...
I think I'm trying to hold something between US...
I don't know...
And there's this feeling that I'm afraid to loose him...
Actually I'm loosing him already...
It's just so hard to explain!!!
I DO NOT WANT TO LOOSE HIM!!!!

*Sigh*

I seriously can't imagine if that day come...
Owh well...
What can I do right??
There's nothing that I can do to make Him come back...
There's nothing that I can do to turn back the time...
I'm just hoping that I can give up on Him...
Wont be emo because of him anymore... =)
But still...
I think that I might still in LOVE with him...