Emotions are jumble up... Tired. Frustrated. Depressed. Emotionless. Hate. Confuse. Jealous.(not sure about this, don think so la) Er... Don't know la. Just feel like lying there, don't wanna move at all, don't wanna think of anything and just like being DEAD.
Wondering why can't human act like a robot. Press the "on" button and we are able to move around, think with our brain and full of emotion. When press the "off" button and we are like DEAD. Not moving at all, can't think of anything and emotionless. How I wish I can be a robot. Only think and have emotion when I wan to. Then I can choose what emotion I wanna experience in. How nice my life would be. Wrong. Should be "How WONDERFUL, COLORFUL and BEAUTIFUL my life would be!" *haha*
Oh ya... I kinda JUST realize something. Not gonna tell what is it about. What I can say is I'm like so darn slow. Shiat man! Seriously DARN F*CKING slow man! Only realize it NOW when the thing is like freaking few months ago. WTF! Seriously WTF man! Owh well... Told you before that I was stupid and slow. *haha*
I never knew that I will fall for it. I've always exclaim that I wont act like any other people acted. But I end up being no difference from them. LOVE blinded people, making people can't see the road ahead clearly. What can I say then. That's the way it is. That's the power of LOVE. =) Being in love is sweet, but when it ends it is bitter. That's it. And it's kinda a life path that human must walk through it? I've never regretted it. *haha*
I guess I'm too free which makes me always think of all these stuff huh? Love. Relationship. Romance. Other half. Boys. ;) Hey, all human being are the same okay. It's not wrong to think of it ya know. I kinda have lots of love philosophy eh... *haha* Geez... Can't I have other philospphy than this. LOLs!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Swing!!!
What is the thing that is SWINGING??
Guess!!! *haha*
*teng* *teng* teng* *teng*
My MOOD!!!
Yes!! Again!!
I got mood swing again!!!
Tiring man. I seriously don't like myself being like this all the time. It's like this minutes I'm okay. Then the next minute I'm like kinda moody and stuff and think a lot about everything and anything.
And I'm thinking myself as STUPID.
Yes!! I'm STUPID!! I'm F*UCKING, FREAKING, DARN, DAMN STUPID!! =)
Sometimes, the answer you've been searching high and low for all these while. But, it's just right in front of you, showing you the answer. You just don't realize it.
This is what I've been experiencing. I've been searching high and low and have been cracking my head to figure out for the answer.And I finally found it. It's just right in front of me, showing me very clearly that the answer I've been searching for so long and I din even realize it.
So... What do you call this huh? STUPID la duh... Or just maybe I know the answer all these while and I just don't wanna accept it huh? Sometimes I've been thinking that maybe I the most STUPID person in this world. Easily fall for something like this. A better wording for STUPID is NAIVE. I'm NAIVE. =)
I've found the answer I've been looking for, for months and I've got it. And for someone... Yea! Your word hurts me a lot. Although it's true. I rather you din tell me that and just leave it like that at this moment. =)
Guess!!! *haha*
*teng* *teng* teng* *teng*
My MOOD!!!
Yes!! Again!!
I got mood swing again!!!
Tiring man. I seriously don't like myself being like this all the time. It's like this minutes I'm okay. Then the next minute I'm like kinda moody and stuff and think a lot about everything and anything.
And I'm thinking myself as STUPID.
Yes!! I'm STUPID!! I'm F*UCKING, FREAKING, DARN, DAMN STUPID!! =)
Sometimes, the answer you've been searching high and low for all these while. But, it's just right in front of you, showing you the answer. You just don't realize it.
This is what I've been experiencing. I've been searching high and low and have been cracking my head to figure out for the answer.And I finally found it. It's just right in front of me, showing me very clearly that the answer I've been searching for so long and I din even realize it.
So... What do you call this huh? STUPID la duh... Or just maybe I know the answer all these while and I just don't wanna accept it huh? Sometimes I've been thinking that maybe I the most STUPID person in this world. Easily fall for something like this. A better wording for STUPID is NAIVE. I'm NAIVE. =)
I've found the answer I've been looking for, for months and I've got it. And for someone... Yea! Your word hurts me a lot. Although it's true. I rather you din tell me that and just leave it like that at this moment. =)
Saturday, June 27, 2009
AHA~~
Haha... "Aha" about what??
He should know this.
I'm just kinda surprising that He's still reading my blog. *haha*
Erm...
I guess this blog is like a "link" between me and Him?
What I'm trying to say it's He knows everything about me...
As in my feelings... What I'm thinking... My thoughts and stuff...
And the unfair part is I don't know Hes. =)
Eh... Don't get me wrong ya. I'm not saying that He should own a blog and write down all of His feelings, thoughts and stuff la okay?
And maybe He never like...
Erm... "Doesn't care about anything anymore?" Get what I mean? My "isi tersirat". He so smart. Sure can get what I mean right? *haha*
I wanna know how come He send me that message after reading my blog. It's like I've been writing so many posts about Him for the past few months and and He only "reply" me NOW. Can He give me an answer? *Curious* =X
I'm just asking about it. If He don't feel like "replying" me it's okay. =)
And I guess I found out the true answer about "it"...
I was thinking like maybe... Just maybe... Sometimes there's a chance for me and Him to talk. But, we just can't speak up. That's what I'm thinking. =X
Maybe someday me and Him can talk to each other like normal. As friends.
Or we just should like kinda go back to semester 1 in foundation. Intro ourselves again. I mean like be friends all over again?
*haha* Whatever la. Let's just let the time do their stuff. Time matters remember? *haha*
K la... Till then... It's 1.05 a.m already.
Nites =D
He should know this.
I'm just kinda surprising that He's still reading my blog. *haha*
Erm...
I guess this blog is like a "link" between me and Him?
What I'm trying to say it's He knows everything about me...
As in my feelings... What I'm thinking... My thoughts and stuff...
And the unfair part is I don't know Hes. =)
Eh... Don't get me wrong ya. I'm not saying that He should own a blog and write down all of His feelings, thoughts and stuff la okay?
And maybe He never like...
Erm... "Doesn't care about anything anymore?" Get what I mean? My "isi tersirat". He so smart. Sure can get what I mean right? *haha*
I wanna know how come He send me that message after reading my blog. It's like I've been writing so many posts about Him for the past few months and and He only "reply" me NOW. Can He give me an answer? *Curious* =X
I'm just asking about it. If He don't feel like "replying" me it's okay. =)
And I guess I found out the true answer about "it"...
I was thinking like maybe... Just maybe... Sometimes there's a chance for me and Him to talk. But, we just can't speak up. That's what I'm thinking. =X
Maybe someday me and Him can talk to each other like normal. As friends.
Or we just should like kinda go back to semester 1 in foundation. Intro ourselves again. I mean like be friends all over again?
*haha* Whatever la. Let's just let the time do their stuff. Time matters remember? *haha*
K la... Till then... It's 1.05 a.m already.
Nites =D
Currently
Current mode: Missing somebody
Person: Him
Emotion: Jumble up with happiness, sadness, disappointment
Well, look at the time now. Below there. It's already 1.24 a.m. and I'm missing Him. =)
Weird huh? How come I miss Him in a sudden? Neh... I'm not sure myself.
Know where is He now and I might have the ability to know what is he doing now at that place. =X
What can I say then? He loves FREEDOM. Actually who doesn't huh? I mean like seriously who doesn't.
That's kinda the reason He broke up with me. I've repeatedly asked myself about it.
"Did I control Him? Did I control Him too much? I'm a control freak? I did not give him the 'space' that he want? Shouldn't gave him curfew?" Too many question marks had been through my mind.
Hey, I'm not a mind reader okay? I need Him to tell me what He want from me. Freedom? 'Space'? Not to control him? Don't like the curfew tingy?
Oi! Speak up! Not as if He's dumb or what. He can talk ya know?
Speak up la duh. Aren't being in a relationship the most important tools to lengthen a relationship is COMMUNICATION?
Yeah! You heard me!! COMMUNICATION!!!
I repeat... COMMUNICATION!!!
I think I brag too much about it already...
Purpose of this post:
I just wanna write down and post up my current feelings... =D
Person: Him
Emotion: Jumble up with happiness, sadness, disappointment
Well, look at the time now. Below there. It's already 1.24 a.m. and I'm missing Him. =)
Weird huh? How come I miss Him in a sudden? Neh... I'm not sure myself.
Know where is He now and I might have the ability to know what is he doing now at that place. =X
What can I say then? He loves FREEDOM. Actually who doesn't huh? I mean like seriously who doesn't.
That's kinda the reason He broke up with me. I've repeatedly asked myself about it.
"Did I control Him? Did I control Him too much? I'm a control freak? I did not give him the 'space' that he want? Shouldn't gave him curfew?" Too many question marks had been through my mind.
Hey, I'm not a mind reader okay? I need Him to tell me what He want from me. Freedom? 'Space'? Not to control him? Don't like the curfew tingy?
Oi! Speak up! Not as if He's dumb or what. He can talk ya know?
Speak up la duh. Aren't being in a relationship the most important tools to lengthen a relationship is COMMUNICATION?
Yeah! You heard me!! COMMUNICATION!!!
I repeat... COMMUNICATION!!!
I think I brag too much about it already...
Purpose of this post:
I just wanna write down and post up my current feelings... =D
Friday, June 26, 2009
Short post...
This post would be a short post which requested by SOMEONE...
Won't you guys realize that mostly my post is about Him??
What can I say??
He's my Life??
Actually he USED to be my life...
Gonna make this short post not about him... =)
Last 2 days... which is Wednesday, 24th June, 2009.
Me, Jayson, Drey and 2 of her cousins, Veler and Gladys went to eat Roti Pisang.
Then on the way to Swinburne, there's this guy knock on the car window and pointed at my car's left side of the back tyre.
Then Drey look back and saw the tyre of my car pointed by that guy flatted.
Sure 1st thing come to your mind is that we panicked...
Too bad...
We did not...
The only problem now is...
Non of us know how to pump air into the tyre...
Owh well...
There's nothing we can do besides going to the petrol station and pump the air into the tyre...
Luckily Jayson was there...
He helped me while the others sit inside the car... *HaHa*
Then off Swinburne we go...
Reached Swinburne... Saw Him and Lewis...
*The End*
Won't you guys realize that mostly my post is about Him??
What can I say??
He's my Life??
Actually he USED to be my life...
Gonna make this short post not about him... =)
Last 2 days... which is Wednesday, 24th June, 2009.
Me, Jayson, Drey and 2 of her cousins, Veler and Gladys went to eat Roti Pisang.
Then on the way to Swinburne, there's this guy knock on the car window and pointed at my car's left side of the back tyre.
Then Drey look back and saw the tyre of my car pointed by that guy flatted.
Sure 1st thing come to your mind is that we panicked...
Too bad...
We did not...
The only problem now is...
Non of us know how to pump air into the tyre...
Owh well...
There's nothing we can do besides going to the petrol station and pump the air into the tyre...
Luckily Jayson was there...
He helped me while the others sit inside the car... *HaHa*
Then off Swinburne we go...
Reached Swinburne... Saw Him and Lewis...
*The End*
My Thoughts... =)
How am I going to start with it??
Yesterday, went out to eat Roti Pisang with Drey, Lewis n Him... (Sorry, don feel like mentioning his name and I think you guys know who the Him is) =D
Like what I expected when I knew Lewis and Him is joining me and Drey for lunch...
Lewis would "suan" me and Him...(No hard feelings about it. I'm okay with it tough)
Like what I said... Lewis would "suan" us, as in me and Him...
It goes like this...
Lewis to Stella: Why are you so quiet?
Stella to Lewis: Nothing le.
Drey to Stella : Yalo... Why are you so quiet?
Stella to Drey : Eat till very full. Don't feel like talking.
Drey to Stella : Owh...
Lewis to Him : Eh... You usually talk a lot. How come today you so quiet also?
Drey to Us : Yala... Yala... How come you two (me and Him) so quiet?
Lewis to Us : How come you two don't talk? You guys haven't been talking for so long already le. How come you two don't talk? You guys quarrel is it? How come you to don't talk?
Me and Him : *speechless*
Him to Lewis : Eat eat... Don't talk so much.
What can I say right?
He din even speak up to answer any of Lewis's question.
Why and how would I answer him??
At that moment when Lewis ask those question there's an urge that I wanna say "Hi" to Him...
Just a SIMPLE "Hi" and I couldn't make it...
I was like CHOCKED up by something in my throat and I just COULDN'T speak up!!!
Gosh!!!!!
What had got into me?! You'll ask...
I DON'T KNOW!!!!
NEVER been my WHOLE life I act like that!!!
Assumption:
1. I don't feel like talking to him. Cause he hurt me too deeply and
I'm not fully recover yet?
2. I don't know what should I talk to him. Cause there's no topic
between me and Him?
3. I get use to not talk to him. Cause it's been about 3 months plus
and almost 4 months we did not talk to each other?
Conclusion:
There isn't any conclusion. I have no idea what is happening to me. =)
And I was kinda wondering, why would my friends and even my sis ask me this question:"Why won't you talk to Him?"
What The Hell...
Please la...
I'm finding an answer for this question for so long already and I can't get any!!!
Please... Next time turn around and try to ask Him about it and let me know...
Why won't He talk to me?? =)
Or maybe next time Lewis will start asking Him that question in front of me...
I'll thank him a zillion and I'll be glad that he did that... =D
I would like to listen to his answer... *HAHA*
Yesterday, went out to eat Roti Pisang with Drey, Lewis n Him... (Sorry, don feel like mentioning his name and I think you guys know who the Him is) =D
Like what I expected when I knew Lewis and Him is joining me and Drey for lunch...
Lewis would "suan" me and Him...(No hard feelings about it. I'm okay with it tough)
Like what I said... Lewis would "suan" us, as in me and Him...
It goes like this...
Lewis to Stella: Why are you so quiet?
Stella to Lewis: Nothing le.
Drey to Stella : Yalo... Why are you so quiet?
Stella to Drey : Eat till very full. Don't feel like talking.
Drey to Stella : Owh...
Lewis to Him : Eh... You usually talk a lot. How come today you so quiet also?
Drey to Us : Yala... Yala... How come you two (me and Him) so quiet?
Lewis to Us : How come you two don't talk? You guys haven't been talking for so long already le. How come you two don't talk? You guys quarrel is it? How come you to don't talk?
Me and Him : *speechless*
Him to Lewis : Eat eat... Don't talk so much.
What can I say right?
He din even speak up to answer any of Lewis's question.
Why and how would I answer him??
At that moment when Lewis ask those question there's an urge that I wanna say "Hi" to Him...
Just a SIMPLE "Hi" and I couldn't make it...
I was like CHOCKED up by something in my throat and I just COULDN'T speak up!!!
Gosh!!!!!
What had got into me?! You'll ask...
I DON'T KNOW!!!!
NEVER been my WHOLE life I act like that!!!
Assumption:
1. I don't feel like talking to him. Cause he hurt me too deeply and
I'm not fully recover yet?
2. I don't know what should I talk to him. Cause there's no topic
between me and Him?
3. I get use to not talk to him. Cause it's been about 3 months plus
and almost 4 months we did not talk to each other?
Conclusion:
There isn't any conclusion. I have no idea what is happening to me. =)
And I was kinda wondering, why would my friends and even my sis ask me this question:"Why won't you talk to Him?"
What The Hell...
Please la...
I'm finding an answer for this question for so long already and I can't get any!!!
Please... Next time turn around and try to ask Him about it and let me know...
Why won't He talk to me?? =)
Or maybe next time Lewis will start asking Him that question in front of me...
I'll thank him a zillion and I'll be glad that he did that... =D
I would like to listen to his answer... *HAHA*
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
RanDom!!!
Love you?
Love you not?
Love you??
Love you not??
Love you???
Love you not???
Love you????
Love you not????
*teng* *teng* *teng* *teng*
LOVE YOU!!!!!
Love you not?
Love you??
Love you not??
Love you???
Love you not???
Love you????
Love you not????
*teng* *teng* *teng* *teng*
LOVE YOU!!!!!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Friday, June 5, 2009
Another sudden feelings
Don't really know what have got into my mind right now...
I feel sad...
I feel empty...
I feel like drinking...
I feel like getting drunk...
I feel like forgetting everything...
Seriously EVERYTHING!!!
Is it because of him??
I've no idea myself...
I'm jealous about THAT??
I'm not happy with him not talking to me??
*no idea*
Was everything happening right now my fault??
It seems like everything going well UNTIL...
Am I too sensitive or what??
It's like I'm OK with everything already until...
Am I still in LOVE with him??
I seriously have no idea about that...
Cause it seems like I've giving up on him already...
I'm trying to be friends with him...
But it seems like I have difficulties in doing that...
Every now and then when I'm trying to approach him or take things never happen...
I just can't do it!!!
It just wont work in the way that I want...
The more I'm trying to forget everything the more it WONT work!!!
Maybe I'm not ready yet??
Don't know about that...
*blur* *blur*
When I was sleeping on the floor this afternoon at my friends house, I suddenly felt that it would be nice if He's here...
By my side...
I could sleep on his lap...
Really miss that...
Then I could hug him...
......BUT.......
That wouldn't be possible already... =(
Nothing would be possible for US anymore...
Have I accept the fact that WE wont be going back anymore??
Have I accept the fact that there is NO miracles between US??
Or am I still being stupid that someday...
Just someday...
That WE would be together again...
I think I'm trying to hold something between US...
I don't know...
And there's this feeling that I'm afraid to loose him...
Actually I'm loosing him already...
It's just so hard to explain!!!
I DO NOT WANT TO LOOSE HIM!!!!
*Sigh*
I seriously can't imagine if that day come...
Owh well...
What can I do right??
There's nothing that I can do to make Him come back...
There's nothing that I can do to turn back the time...
I'm just hoping that I can give up on Him...
Wont be emo because of him anymore... =)
But still...
I think that I might still in LOVE with him...
I feel sad...
I feel empty...
I feel like drinking...
I feel like getting drunk...
I feel like forgetting everything...
Seriously EVERYTHING!!!
Is it because of him??
I've no idea myself...
I'm jealous about THAT??
I'm not happy with him not talking to me??
*no idea*
Was everything happening right now my fault??
It seems like everything going well UNTIL...
Am I too sensitive or what??
It's like I'm OK with everything already until...
Am I still in LOVE with him??
I seriously have no idea about that...
Cause it seems like I've giving up on him already...
I'm trying to be friends with him...
But it seems like I have difficulties in doing that...
Every now and then when I'm trying to approach him or take things never happen...
I just can't do it!!!
It just wont work in the way that I want...
The more I'm trying to forget everything the more it WONT work!!!
Maybe I'm not ready yet??
Don't know about that...
*blur* *blur*
When I was sleeping on the floor this afternoon at my friends house, I suddenly felt that it would be nice if He's here...
By my side...
I could sleep on his lap...
Really miss that...
Then I could hug him...
......BUT.......
That wouldn't be possible already... =(
Nothing would be possible for US anymore...
Have I accept the fact that WE wont be going back anymore??
Have I accept the fact that there is NO miracles between US??
Or am I still being stupid that someday...
Just someday...
That WE would be together again...
I think I'm trying to hold something between US...
I don't know...
And there's this feeling that I'm afraid to loose him...
Actually I'm loosing him already...
It's just so hard to explain!!!
I DO NOT WANT TO LOOSE HIM!!!!
*Sigh*
I seriously can't imagine if that day come...
Owh well...
What can I do right??
There's nothing that I can do to make Him come back...
There's nothing that I can do to turn back the time...
I'm just hoping that I can give up on Him...
Wont be emo because of him anymore... =)
But still...
I think that I might still in LOVE with him...
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