I remember...

I remember the days that how you broke up with me. Feels like everything just happened yesterday. The pain is still there. How deeply you did hurt me.

I remember the days that how I beg you not to break up with me. How pathetic I am in begging you not to leave me when you don't love me anymore.

I remember the days that how I live without your love. Feels like I'm living in hell. Everything around me are in darkness. It's like the world are against me.

I remember the days that how I used to live without you. Feels like nobody cares for me. Feels like nobody will love me ever again.


These are what I remember when you left me behind with this world, with these pains. I too remember that...

I drink everyday, no matter night or day.
I don't eat for a week cause of you.
I do thinking of killing myself cause the pain that you cause is more than the physical pain.
I have lose weight up to 3 kilograms just a week.
I do cry like hell for you everyday uncontrollably.
I can't sleep soundly for almost 2 weeks.
I did wake up in the middle of the night to message you, telling you how much I've been hurt by you and how I feel.
I do feel lost in this world without you.
I do wish that someday you would come back to me.
I do promise myself that you would be the last person I love in my entire life.
I do promise myself that I will wait for you.

There are a lot of things I would wanna talk to you about. But there is this something that won't allow us to talk to each other? How I wish we would just be close forever but not being a couple which end up like this.

I'm sad and I do feel like crying. But I just have to control myself. It's no use I cry for you anymore. You don't love me anymore. We won't get back together. Hope you can find a better girlfriend than me and live happily ever after. =)

P/s: I LOVE YOU!!!!! <3

Love Is Gone

Now that the love is gone

What are we supposed to do
After all that we've been through
When everything that felt so right is wrong
Now that the love is gone?

Love is gone

What are we supposed to do
After all that we've been through
When everything that felt so right is wrong
Now that the love is gone?

There is nothing left to prove
No use to deny this simple truth
Can't find the reason to keep holding on
Now that the love is gone, love is gone!

Now that the love is gone
What felt so right's so wrong
Noe that the love is gone

I feel so hurt inside
Feel so hurt inside
Got to find the reason

What are we supposed to do
After all that we've been through
When everything that felt so right is wrong
Now that the love is gone?

There is nothing left to prove
No use to deny this simple truth
Can't find the reason to keep holding on
Now that the love is gone, love is gone!

Got to find a reason
Got to find a reason
Got to find a reason to hold

Love, there;s nothing left for us to say, yeah
Love, why can't we turn and walk away?

What are we supposed to do
After all that we've been through
When everything that felt so right is wrong
Now that the love is gone?

There is nothing left to prove
No use to deny this simple truth
Can't find the reason to keep holding on
Now that the love is gone, love is gone!

Love is gone

The truth

I don't even know where am I suppose to start all these craps.

You break up with me just because you are stressing.
You break up with me just because you don't want the relationship and don't wan me anymore.
You break up with me just because I don't understand you.
You break up with me just like this, leaving everything behind just like that.

How unfair is it. Hurting me this much. Making me living like hell for so many months. Stress? You think I never stress before when I'm with you? So what I'm stress? I bear with it myself. And I'm still continue on with you. I gave you a second chance! But what did you do to me? You didn't give me a single chance! You should tell me that what you want and we can overcome everything! But you did not do that. You just end everything just like that. Our love for each other are fake is it? How can you just say break up then break up?! You just say don want this relationship just like that. Remember how much we love each other?! Our feelings for each other are deep remember? Feelings for each other can say don't want then don't want? I don't think so! I just love you! When you wanna be with me then be with me, when you don't want then you break up with me. Have you ever take me as your girlfriend?!
You said that I don't understand you, but have you ever give me a chance to understand you?! NO!!! NEVER!!!! You never give me a single chance to let me understand you!! You never wanna talk about your things to me!! You always keep stuff to yourself!! I'm your girlfriend that time!! You should tell me everything!! I'm your GIRLFRIEND!!! If we can go through that I think we wont end up this way!! Not talking to each other!! We don't counted as friends even!!
I believe that if we don't break up that time, we would be very happy now!!!!!
ADRIAN FONG!!!!! HOW I WISH YOU CAN COME BACK TO ME!!!!! I STILL LOVE YOU!!!!! BUT... I DON'T THINK YOU STILL NEED ME IN YOUR LIFE ANYMORE!!!!!!

Cracking My Head??

Thinking of making my blog P R I V A T E...

I'm still thinking about it tough. I'm still not sure about it yet. It's kind of me myself revealing too much about my emotions to the outside world? *haha* Need to keep it for some privacy?

I'm gonna consider of making my blog private. Just in case I really private my blog. Do ask me to invitation. If I consider you as a person that can read my blog. *haha*

Now I'm W O N D E R I N G...

When can I let MYSELF go?? Like seriously let myself go. I have no idea when will the day come. Maybe after... After... Actually I don't even know when the day will come. Maybe the day won't come forever? Oh My Gosh... I need to release myself from this.

I wanna have holiday with leaving Kuching and go somewhere there is nobody that I recognize. Living a happy, care free life. Wow... How nice if my wish come true.

I'm SORRY...

I think I did said something wrong

and

I'M SORRY !!!

The best!!

I've realized that I've been comparing you with all the guys that I know. No matter who. It's just weird that human really doesn't appreciate things when they owned it. They only appreciate that something once they have lost it. Human nature? Not so... We are just being stupid by not appreciate things when we owned it. Really stupid I can tell. Once you have got the things which you think is the best, you'll keep comparing the best with others or even find the better one. But is it this easy to find "another" the best or better one?? Actually there is no exact answer. It's all depend on yourself. Which is a bad thing for me. Cause I still can't deny that you are the best and there is no others just like you. Except I clone you?? LOL. What can I say. Maybe I just don't deserve you, which are the best. And you belongs to someone who deserve you more than me. You'll always be THE BEST!!!! and NOBODY CAN BEAT THAT YOU ARE THE BEST!!!!!

p/s: gonna find "another" the best!!!! If only he exist. If not gonna stay single forever and ever... hahhahah Oh ya... sorry if I did "offended" you or what... I don have any "isi tersirat" hahahha

Women Vs. Men

WOMEN have a keen sense of smell.
MEN don't notice odors as much.

WOMEN recall every romantic event in detail.
MEN ... not so much.

WOMEN think about sex daily.
MEN think about it incessantly.

WOMEN are tuned in to relationship problems.
MEN don't recognize issues as readily.

WOMEN find problems where none exist.
MEN are more rational.

WOMEN know they're lost immediately.
MEN don't realize they're lost for a long time.

WOMEN express their heartache after a split.
MEN act like nothing's wrong.

P/s: haha... took this from a magazine... agree with some of it though... =)

Something wrong...

Today I just feel like

C R Y I N G

!!!

='(

Sad day?

It's a sad day for me today. Nothing much really happen that make me sad. But I'm just being influence by a friend of my. She's sad, I'm sad. Feel like crying when I see her cry. Ya, friends are IMPORTANT to me. Damn Freking Important. I'm sure that most of the people put family at the first place. But I'm just different. I put Friends at the first place at this stage. Friends had help me been through my down time. I just LOVE them. No matter how fucking bitchy or how bastard-ly you act, I will always take you as my friend if I think you are worth for a friend. I hate back stabber and betrayer. If you people don't like something about me, please do tell me IN FRONT of me. I can handle everything. Don't worry about hurting me. Back stabbing me or betray me is more hurt than you telling me stuff that you don't like about me in front of me. You can say anything in front of me but not BEHIND me.

About the sad part. It's about my past. And my friend being sad which makes me sad also. Hope everything is okay for her. And I do hope that BITCH know what she's doing. Hope will wake up someday.

P/s: I LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!! LOVE YA ALL!!!!! =)

Bla bla bla...

S h h h h h h h h h h h ~ ~ ~ ~

I know... I know...

Stop nagging me about it...

Things have to move on...

Duh uh!!!!

I get it... I get it...

Stop nagging me about it...

Shesh!!!!

Told you already what...

I accept the fact already...

Just that feelings can't be controlled easily...

And it's a mood swing what...

What can I do right??

So stop nagging...

Urgh!!!!

p/s: feel like leaving Kuching to some other place... Stay at the place that I want to go for as long as possible... I don wanna... =)

ARGH!!!!!

Can I curse in here??

A R G H H H H ! ! ! ! !

! @ # $ % ^ & * ( ) _ { } ?

I HATE MYSELF FOR BEING LIKE THIS!!!!

N I DON KNOW WHY THE FEELING IS COMING BACK AGAIN!!!

I SERIOUSLY HATE MYSELF!!!!

DEEP DOWN IN MY HEART THERE'S SOMETHING THERE WHICH I CAN'T SAY IT OUT AND IS ASHAMED TO SAY IT OUT!!!!

OH GOD!!!!

PLEASE LET ME GET THROUGH THIS!!!

LET THE FEELINGS FADE AWAY PLEASE!!!!

IT'S BETTER THAT YOU TAKE AWAY MY FEELINGS!!!!

I KNOW THE TRUTH AND ACCEPTED IT ALREADY!!!

BUT DEEP DOWN IN MY HEART I WANT THINGS TO GO IN THAT WAY!!!!!

*sigh*

I WISH I WONT....

*i know it's impossible*

K... Nights... Enough of bragging things...

It's not easy...

It's never easy to forget someone who ever played an important part in your life before.

It's just like these few days. Don't know what had got into me.

I kinda miss him. Miss the feeling we being together a couple. Miss the time I find him everyday. Miss the time we spent our time together as a couple. Miss the feeling of loving and missing him.

H A I H S s s s s s

Kinda emo lo. This is the way it is. No turning back. No regrets. No nothing. I only blame myself for not treating him the way I should treat him. I mean treat him better.

A R G H h h h h h h h h

What I can do now is just forget about him!!!!! That's the only thing I can do now. And should do now. I know there's NO WAY we can get back together. NO WAY!!!!!!

I just miss him. Haih...

Just look forward lah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back...

It's been almost two weeks I have not update my blog.
Had been out non stop in these two weeks. Kinda tired but hell it's fun!!! Nothing really much happen in these two weeks. Just a simple, dull life. The only thing I actually remember happened this week is I got angry. It's been a long long long long DAMN long time since I really got angry with somebody. But actually I'm okay after the few minutes later. Can't really get angry with somebody for so long. Plus I don't like myself being angry. It's kinda freaking people out. And also freaking myself out. I'm very scary when I'm angry.

PLus, I've been haunting for clothes for these few days. But too bad nothing really catches my eyes. Clothes in Kuching either it's too expensive or it's not nice. Saw this Kimono dress which is nice but it cost bloody RM99. It's so damn freaking expensive. I can get this kind of Kimono dress for RM34 at blogshop. But yesterday I bought a shirt from Esprit which only cost RM49.90. So happy! Cause it's cheap but ofcourse la. There's a sale going on, if not I wont get such a nice shirt for so cheap which is branded. *haha*

p/s: gonna hunt for more clothes!!!!!!! =)